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Son 21, stealing, denying, swearing.
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<blockquote data-quote="Albatross" data-source="post: 735369" data-attributes="member: 17720"><p>Well...this is the kind of thing that can drive us (me) nuts.</p><p></p><p>OK, deep breath. Here are my thoughts on the car payment situation...</p><p></p><p>You and son agree that you should not be on the account anymore, right?</p><p></p><p>And if you WEREN'T on the account, you would be none the wiser that he's about to bounce his car payment.</p><p></p><p>in my opinion that's the goal -- to detach completely from Ben's finances.</p><p></p><p>The fact that you always pay your bills on time really isn't relevant. Ben isn't that kind of person (YET -- and maybe learning *why* we shouldn't bounce checks is a lesson Ben needs to learn).</p><p></p><p>I wouldn't offer to loan him money if he brings your stuff back. He needs to bring your stuff back and certainly doesn't deserve a bailout for doing so.</p><p></p><p>Since you are on the account, will you get dinged if Ben bounces his car payment? If so, I would give him a heads up that he's about to be overdrawn, and let him figure out what to do about it. If not, I would let it slide.</p><p></p><p>Then I would give him the option right away of either taking an hour off to get to the bank and get your name off the account by XX/XX, or you will close the account.</p><p></p><p>If you feel he truly CAN'T manage his checking account because he has no internet access, I would help him set up an account in his name only at a branch he can get to on his lunch hour. Then step out of it. You definitely don't need the worry, and as parents we can't help but try to deduce what our difficult children are up to reviewing financial tracks. That's a direct bus to Crazy Town, as fruitless and stress-inducing as tracking their cell phone records.</p><p></p><p>I would also add that I don't know ANY young adults who don't have internet access. Even a cheap burner phone and the abundance of free WiFi would be more than sufficient for him to monitor his checking account.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Albatross, post: 735369, member: 17720"] Well...this is the kind of thing that can drive us (me) nuts. OK, deep breath. Here are my thoughts on the car payment situation... You and son agree that you should not be on the account anymore, right? And if you WEREN'T on the account, you would be none the wiser that he's about to bounce his car payment. in my opinion that's the goal -- to detach completely from Ben's finances. The fact that you always pay your bills on time really isn't relevant. Ben isn't that kind of person (YET -- and maybe learning *why* we shouldn't bounce checks is a lesson Ben needs to learn). I wouldn't offer to loan him money if he brings your stuff back. He needs to bring your stuff back and certainly doesn't deserve a bailout for doing so. Since you are on the account, will you get dinged if Ben bounces his car payment? If so, I would give him a heads up that he's about to be overdrawn, and let him figure out what to do about it. If not, I would let it slide. Then I would give him the option right away of either taking an hour off to get to the bank and get your name off the account by XX/XX, or you will close the account. If you feel he truly CAN'T manage his checking account because he has no internet access, I would help him set up an account in his name only at a branch he can get to on his lunch hour. Then step out of it. You definitely don't need the worry, and as parents we can't help but try to deduce what our difficult children are up to reviewing financial tracks. That's a direct bus to Crazy Town, as fruitless and stress-inducing as tracking their cell phone records. I would also add that I don't know ANY young adults who don't have internet access. Even a cheap burner phone and the abundance of free WiFi would be more than sufficient for him to monitor his checking account. [/QUOTE]
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Son 21, stealing, denying, swearing.
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