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Son Almost 18, home from residential treatment. Need Advice
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 707854" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>4Tall, we're glad you're here. Ah, wow, your story takes me back.</p><p></p><p>My son was challenging in high school (nothing like what was to come) and I slow-walked my responses to it all. I thought he was lazy, immature, late bloomer, lonely, sad....I had all kinds of thoughts about him that basically didn't put the responsibility where it needed to be...on him. </p><p></p><p>So, as others have said, I would try to find the energy, if I could do it all over again, to keep it simple, pick my battles and act much more firmly, decisively and consistently. Back then, I could always be swayed by him. He would talk me down and out, and I allowed it.</p><p></p><p>It sounds like your son has gotten help and is better. That is wonderful. Let's pause for a moment and be grateful and thankful for that. </p><p></p><p>Now, he has to learn to live in the world, the big world with its rules...and its natural consequences. That isn't easy for a immature boy with other issues. I love the image of the big trash can rolled into his room! Now, those are some natural consequences! Yay! </p><p></p><p>I would pick my battles, like that, and be firm and strong. Don't back down when he brings the sad stories and anger and bs. But don't have too many rules, because you won't have the energy to back them up. </p><p></p><p>I did so many contracts with Difficult Child, and at first they were long, drawn out affairs. I threw a lot of words at it, thinking if we could spell it out and get clear about it all, we could actually do it. Wrong approach.</p><p></p><p>Again, keep it simple. </p><p></p><p>And get some support for yourself in Al-Anon, or therapy, or meditation or with friends...all of the above. </p><p></p><p>We're also here for you. Please keep us posted on how things are going. We've likely been there.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 707854, member: 17542"] 4Tall, we're glad you're here. Ah, wow, your story takes me back. My son was challenging in high school (nothing like what was to come) and I slow-walked my responses to it all. I thought he was lazy, immature, late bloomer, lonely, sad....I had all kinds of thoughts about him that basically didn't put the responsibility where it needed to be...on him. So, as others have said, I would try to find the energy, if I could do it all over again, to keep it simple, pick my battles and act much more firmly, decisively and consistently. Back then, I could always be swayed by him. He would talk me down and out, and I allowed it. It sounds like your son has gotten help and is better. That is wonderful. Let's pause for a moment and be grateful and thankful for that. Now, he has to learn to live in the world, the big world with its rules...and its natural consequences. That isn't easy for a immature boy with other issues. I love the image of the big trash can rolled into his room! Now, those are some natural consequences! Yay! I would pick my battles, like that, and be firm and strong. Don't back down when he brings the sad stories and anger and bs. But don't have too many rules, because you won't have the energy to back them up. I did so many contracts with Difficult Child, and at first they were long, drawn out affairs. I threw a lot of words at it, thinking if we could spell it out and get clear about it all, we could actually do it. Wrong approach. Again, keep it simple. And get some support for yourself in Al-Anon, or therapy, or meditation or with friends...all of the above. We're also here for you. Please keep us posted on how things are going. We've likely been there. [/QUOTE]
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Son Almost 18, home from residential treatment. Need Advice
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