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Son arrested
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<blockquote data-quote="Tanya M" data-source="post: 714496" data-attributes="member: 18516"><p>Hi LH,</p><p></p><p>I'm so sorry for what you are going through. I know all too well what it's like to have your child steal from you as do so many of us here.</p><p></p><p>All in all, I think you handled yourself really well.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Regardless of whether YOU have money or not, it's your money, not your son's.</p><p>My son has done the same thing to me and my husband more than a few times. I refuse to buy into the guilt he tries to lay on me. We have worked hard over the years to have what we have and to take the much needed vacations.</p><p></p><p></p><p>I have found over the years the less said to my son the better, I will not offer him an explanation. One of the times when my son asked for money and I told him no he screamed at me saying he knew I had money and I was a cold hearted B&*^%$ for not giving it him. I told him my finances were none of his business and that I didn't care what he thought of me.</p><p>The more we say no to these difficult adult children the less they will ask. It can take some time but they do get the message.</p><p></p><p></p><p>I know how hard that can be, I've done it more than a few times.</p><p></p><p></p><p>These kinds of statements are pure manipulation tactics and nothing more. They are hoping to make us feel guilt enough so that we will give into them. If the girlfriends parents want to enable them that's their business.</p><p>I'll tell what kind of parent doesn't give money to their kid "in need", it's a loving parent who knows that by enabling them they are not helping them.</p><p></p><p></p><p>The fact that the money he stole was reimbursed to you does not change the fact that he not only stole he committed fraud. Also, he did not pay you back, the money came from his girlfriends parents.</p><p>He started this chain of events.</p><p>Please don't doubt yourself, that's a trap that's easy to fall into. Doubt can lead to guilt and before we know it we are sucked into our difficult adult child's chaos and drama.</p><p></p><p>You have done nothing wrong.</p><p></p><p>Please keep posting and let us know how things are going.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tanya M, post: 714496, member: 18516"] Hi LH, I'm so sorry for what you are going through. I know all too well what it's like to have your child steal from you as do so many of us here. All in all, I think you handled yourself really well. Regardless of whether YOU have money or not, it's your money, not your son's. My son has done the same thing to me and my husband more than a few times. I refuse to buy into the guilt he tries to lay on me. We have worked hard over the years to have what we have and to take the much needed vacations. I have found over the years the less said to my son the better, I will not offer him an explanation. One of the times when my son asked for money and I told him no he screamed at me saying he knew I had money and I was a cold hearted B&*^%$ for not giving it him. I told him my finances were none of his business and that I didn't care what he thought of me. The more we say no to these difficult adult children the less they will ask. It can take some time but they do get the message. I know how hard that can be, I've done it more than a few times. These kinds of statements are pure manipulation tactics and nothing more. They are hoping to make us feel guilt enough so that we will give into them. If the girlfriends parents want to enable them that's their business. I'll tell what kind of parent doesn't give money to their kid "in need", it's a loving parent who knows that by enabling them they are not helping them. The fact that the money he stole was reimbursed to you does not change the fact that he not only stole he committed fraud. Also, he did not pay you back, the money came from his girlfriends parents. He started this chain of events. Please don't doubt yourself, that's a trap that's easy to fall into. Doubt can lead to guilt and before we know it we are sucked into our difficult adult child's chaos and drama. You have done nothing wrong. Please keep posting and let us know how things are going. [/QUOTE]
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