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Substance Abuse
Son diagnosed with Bipolar and Depression with history of abuse. How do I help??
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 563082" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Welcome. I am so sorry you are going through this. I agree that you and your son are in a different place then many of us on this board, your son has had an experience which really impacts trust so I think continuing to try to help him, at this point, is your best option. </p><p></p><p>You might try contacting your local NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) they have support groups for parents and lots of helpful information. You might run into someone who can advocate for you and your son. There is so much shame attached to the victims of sexual abuse, it's so sad because your son was a child and he suffers the long lasting impact of someone else's choices. This becoming public is another violation which brings more shame. I can understand your sons anger and depression. Sexual abuse is a very personal and intense violation to not only one's body but one's entire being. </p><p></p><p>There are groups here in CA. which are for the survivors of sexual abuse...............therapists often offer sliding scale and some are experienced in sexual abuse therapy, you might research that and then call the expert and see if they would negotiate with you for the fee. Most people don't try to negotiate price, but I have found folks in the helping professions are often willing to do that if you ask, but of course, you have to ask, they generally don't make the offer. I am presently in a therapy run codependency group and one of the members has a grown son who is bi-polar and sometimes abuses drugs. She faces similar questions and it is complex when our kids are mentally unstable too. The support of the other parents going through similar issues is <em>very, very </em>helpful. You might consider getting yourself into some kind of a parent group to help you deal with all of the feelings you and your husband are having. You're in a tough spot and groups offer others who understand on a deep level and you would be surprised how much that helps. And, it also offers options and information too.</p><p></p><p>This is all complicated and I can understand your guilt, but you didn't do anything wrong. If you can find your own counselor to help you and your husband handle the guilt and your own feelings, as you heal from that, you will be better equipped to help your son. Healing from sexual abuse is challenging but it is doable...... one can learn to live a healthy life, it takes a lot of internal work and commitment. Sexual abuse/incest is way more common, statistically, then people are aware of. Since your son is abusing substances he might also benefit from a 12 step group. In the 12 step community, the percentages of folks who are abusing drugs and alcohol who have been sexually abused is staggering, often the root of the substance abuse is incest/sexual abuse. Which is why it is absolutely necessary to address the sexual abuse underlying the substance abuse before any real healing can occur. </p><p></p><p>Your son is in college full time and working full time so he is functioning. It might be prudent to figure out boundaries you and your husband need and to sit down and discuss those boundaries with your son. I believe if you find support for you and your husband to help you deal with the guilt and also to find options for your son, you will be in a much better place to make healthy choices for all of you. Sometimes we just need someone outside to help us make sense of all of it and come up with ways to walk through it, to offer options, support, information, kindness, understanding, empathy, compassion and solutions. I am truly sorry you find yourself here..........sending very gentle hugs your way............and warm wishes that you find your way through this so the three of you can find peace...........</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 563082, member: 13542"] Welcome. I am so sorry you are going through this. I agree that you and your son are in a different place then many of us on this board, your son has had an experience which really impacts trust so I think continuing to try to help him, at this point, is your best option. You might try contacting your local NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) they have support groups for parents and lots of helpful information. You might run into someone who can advocate for you and your son. There is so much shame attached to the victims of sexual abuse, it's so sad because your son was a child and he suffers the long lasting impact of someone else's choices. This becoming public is another violation which brings more shame. I can understand your sons anger and depression. Sexual abuse is a very personal and intense violation to not only one's body but one's entire being. There are groups here in CA. which are for the survivors of sexual abuse...............therapists often offer sliding scale and some are experienced in sexual abuse therapy, you might research that and then call the expert and see if they would negotiate with you for the fee. Most people don't try to negotiate price, but I have found folks in the helping professions are often willing to do that if you ask, but of course, you have to ask, they generally don't make the offer. I am presently in a therapy run codependency group and one of the members has a grown son who is bi-polar and sometimes abuses drugs. She faces similar questions and it is complex when our kids are mentally unstable too. The support of the other parents going through similar issues is [I]very, very [/I]helpful. You might consider getting yourself into some kind of a parent group to help you deal with all of the feelings you and your husband are having. You're in a tough spot and groups offer others who understand on a deep level and you would be surprised how much that helps. And, it also offers options and information too. This is all complicated and I can understand your guilt, but you didn't do anything wrong. If you can find your own counselor to help you and your husband handle the guilt and your own feelings, as you heal from that, you will be better equipped to help your son. Healing from sexual abuse is challenging but it is doable...... one can learn to live a healthy life, it takes a lot of internal work and commitment. Sexual abuse/incest is way more common, statistically, then people are aware of. Since your son is abusing substances he might also benefit from a 12 step group. In the 12 step community, the percentages of folks who are abusing drugs and alcohol who have been sexually abused is staggering, often the root of the substance abuse is incest/sexual abuse. Which is why it is absolutely necessary to address the sexual abuse underlying the substance abuse before any real healing can occur. Your son is in college full time and working full time so he is functioning. It might be prudent to figure out boundaries you and your husband need and to sit down and discuss those boundaries with your son. I believe if you find support for you and your husband to help you deal with the guilt and also to find options for your son, you will be in a much better place to make healthy choices for all of you. Sometimes we just need someone outside to help us make sense of all of it and come up with ways to walk through it, to offer options, support, information, kindness, understanding, empathy, compassion and solutions. I am truly sorry you find yourself here..........sending very gentle hugs your way............and warm wishes that you find your way through this so the three of you can find peace........... [/QUOTE]
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Son diagnosed with Bipolar and Depression with history of abuse. How do I help??
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