Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Son Facing Prison
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Kalahou" data-source="post: 711197" data-attributes="member: 19617"><p>Welcome Wendy,</p><p>You have come to a safe place here, and we understand. We know how hard it is. We asked / still ask the same questions. We also had times and still have times we can not quit crying. But I can definitely tell you ~ <em>YES, you will survive ~ regardless of the outcome. You are going to be alright.</em></p><p></p><p>I learned hard about detachment when I came to this forum, and I highly suggest you read and re-read the detachment article for which Tanya provided the link. Detachment is the survival mechanism. It does not mean detaching from loving and caring for you son, but detaching from enabling, detaching from the outcomes, and releasing what you cannot control. It’s also detaching from and releasing all the dreams, expectations, and plans we had for these grown adult children who have chosen different paths for themselves and must reap the results of their own choices and abilities. We can do nothing ourselves to change them.</p><p></p><p>It is sometimes a grief process, not easy, and often long, but you will survive it. Stick with us here, and share all you want. It helps. You are so not alone.</p><p></p><p>Many here have been through the similar situation you are going through. My son is now 37. He has been to jail. He has 2 children he does not often see and does not support at all. He rarely communicates with anyone in our family. It is actually a relief not to hear from him. I really don’t trust him, can’t count on him, and recede from his needs as much as I can. I’ve let him know it is up to him (and only him) to make his life what he wants, by his choices and actions. Right now, it seems he does not want very much, barely can pay for his living, working very little, but just to skim by. But if that is all he wants and needs for himself, that is his choice, and I must accept it with detachment from the outcome. You are right ~ there is nothing you can do, nothing any of us can do. But we do survive .</p><p></p><p>Stay with us, dear. Take time to read some of the other current and past posts of other members. There is much wisdom and guidance in the sharing here. And share all you want, as it is a relief and comforting support to reach out without pretending and know others are there for you without any judgement, but only understanding.</p><p>Take care. Kalahou</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Kalahou, post: 711197, member: 19617"] Welcome Wendy, You have come to a safe place here, and we understand. We know how hard it is. We asked / still ask the same questions. We also had times and still have times we can not quit crying. But I can definitely tell you ~ [I]YES, you will survive ~ regardless of the outcome. You are going to be alright.[/I] I learned hard about detachment when I came to this forum, and I highly suggest you read and re-read the detachment article for which Tanya provided the link. Detachment is the survival mechanism. It does not mean detaching from loving and caring for you son, but detaching from enabling, detaching from the outcomes, and releasing what you cannot control. It’s also detaching from and releasing all the dreams, expectations, and plans we had for these grown adult children who have chosen different paths for themselves and must reap the results of their own choices and abilities. We can do nothing ourselves to change them. It is sometimes a grief process, not easy, and often long, but you will survive it. Stick with us here, and share all you want. It helps. You are so not alone. Many here have been through the similar situation you are going through. My son is now 37. He has been to jail. He has 2 children he does not often see and does not support at all. He rarely communicates with anyone in our family. It is actually a relief not to hear from him. I really don’t trust him, can’t count on him, and recede from his needs as much as I can. I’ve let him know it is up to him (and only him) to make his life what he wants, by his choices and actions. Right now, it seems he does not want very much, barely can pay for his living, working very little, but just to skim by. But if that is all he wants and needs for himself, that is his choice, and I must accept it with detachment from the outcome. You are right ~ there is nothing you can do, nothing any of us can do. But we do survive . Stay with us, dear. Take time to read some of the other current and past posts of other members. There is much wisdom and guidance in the sharing here. And share all you want, as it is a relief and comforting support to reach out without pretending and know others are there for you without any judgement, but only understanding. Take care. Kalahou [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Son Facing Prison
Top