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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 685658" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>SNM, you sound like such a resourceful person who is doing the very best she can. I am glad you have a diversion right now, as hard as it can be to focus when our DCs continue to do what they do. </p><p></p><p>I also am glad that you know about gratitude, and about how focusing on gratitude can help shape our attitudes. </p><p></p><p>And you are so right about feelings. If we stuff down or deny or delay our feelings, we stay stuck. Feeling our feelings, sitting still and letting them wash over us and through us, making time for the fatigue and paralysis that comes with these types of deep feelings, all of that can help us move through our grief and pain and fear. </p><p></p><p>Once I started allowing myself to do these things on a daily basis, I started to move forward. </p><p></p><p>Another helpful tool can be to write it all down. Twice during the very worst times with Difficult Child I sat down and poured my racing thoughts into my computer, typing as fast as I could type, not editing and not hesitating, until I was spent. Crying the whole time. </p><p></p><p>It was truly a turning point for me, both times. Later, I read the document out loud to my Al-Anon sponsor, and I cried again the whole time. </p><p></p><p>Later, a few days, a couple of weeks later, I could see my own progress. I credit that exercise for helping me move forward on my own journey to stopping enabling, detachment with love and acceptance. </p><p></p><p>Having practical tools and practices that we can decide to use on a daily basis is so helpful on this journey. Otherwise, our racing minds and terrified hearts paralyze us. Living in constant fear takes a huge toll.</p><p>We are isolated, and we can't imagine that other people feel the same way we do or have the same thoughts we do.</p><p></p><p>We know here on this forum that there are so many that understand very well. That is a comfort.</p><p></p><p>We're here for you, regardless.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 685658, member: 17542"] SNM, you sound like such a resourceful person who is doing the very best she can. I am glad you have a diversion right now, as hard as it can be to focus when our DCs continue to do what they do. I also am glad that you know about gratitude, and about how focusing on gratitude can help shape our attitudes. And you are so right about feelings. If we stuff down or deny or delay our feelings, we stay stuck. Feeling our feelings, sitting still and letting them wash over us and through us, making time for the fatigue and paralysis that comes with these types of deep feelings, all of that can help us move through our grief and pain and fear. Once I started allowing myself to do these things on a daily basis, I started to move forward. Another helpful tool can be to write it all down. Twice during the very worst times with Difficult Child I sat down and poured my racing thoughts into my computer, typing as fast as I could type, not editing and not hesitating, until I was spent. Crying the whole time. It was truly a turning point for me, both times. Later, I read the document out loud to my Al-Anon sponsor, and I cried again the whole time. Later, a few days, a couple of weeks later, I could see my own progress. I credit that exercise for helping me move forward on my own journey to stopping enabling, detachment with love and acceptance. Having practical tools and practices that we can decide to use on a daily basis is so helpful on this journey. Otherwise, our racing minds and terrified hearts paralyze us. Living in constant fear takes a huge toll. We are isolated, and we can't imagine that other people feel the same way we do or have the same thoughts we do. We know here on this forum that there are so many that understand very well. That is a comfort. We're here for you, regardless. [/QUOTE]
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