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Substance Abuse
Son is back. Now what?
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 654086" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>My daughter Jumper, who I feel is the easiest person to get along with ever and the nicest young adult on earth, once told me, "Adoption should be considered a special need. It's hard." She worked through it, but I do hope she meets her awesome birthmother one day.</p><p></p><p>I think all adopted children wonder why they were relinquished and need to hear the story from their birthparents, not us. That does not mean they don't love us. Both of my girls, when I asked due to insecurity <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> if I'd still be the one they thought of as Mom, they both made fun of me and laughed. "Of course. YOU raised us!" That made me feel a whole lot better about them loving their birthmothers too. After all, ALL of our adopted children actually DO have two mothers and it's ok to love us both. Some search and find it's not so great on the other side. Some search and are happy. The vast majority do not suddenly dump us for them and it helps if we all get along.</p><p></p><p>It is usually the older adoptees, who remember their birthparents as awful as they were, who leave. My son did not have that, but he never felt like he belonged in the U.S. and is very happy now with a Chinese wife and living that culture. Adoption is complicated and we, as parents, must acknowledge it makes our beloved children think of things biological children don't think about. And it's ok for them to wonder and want to know. It is NOT a rejection. I am extremely close to my girls and Sonic, all adopted. I am not afraid of losing their love to anybody else, but am happy to share it. Jumper, in particular, always talks about what a great life she's had and how much she loves us (we love her FB messages), but she still said adoption is tough.</p><p></p><p>We are all born with different constitutions. Some of us are more vulnerable and sensitive and some of us are tougher. How we react to situations is largely due to our hardwiring. Jumper and Sonic seem to be very tough and actually so does Princess. But Goneboy came so late...it may and probably would have been the same wit him if he had only come as an infant, but that didn't happen. It is what it is. It's NOT your fault at all Rina. He was already stiffening when you got him...he already did not feel comfortable with the loving expression of a hug. That is NOT on you. You did your very best for him and will continue to try to help him. I know you will.</p><p></p><p>Let us not forget how many hurting mothers are here who have given birth to children who are rejecting them. There are various reasons our grown children do this. It is certainly not just older adopted children. It's becoming common.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 654086, member: 1550"] My daughter Jumper, who I feel is the easiest person to get along with ever and the nicest young adult on earth, once told me, "Adoption should be considered a special need. It's hard." She worked through it, but I do hope she meets her awesome birthmother one day. I think all adopted children wonder why they were relinquished and need to hear the story from their birthparents, not us. That does not mean they don't love us. Both of my girls, when I asked due to insecurity :) if I'd still be the one they thought of as Mom, they both made fun of me and laughed. "Of course. YOU raised us!" That made me feel a whole lot better about them loving their birthmothers too. After all, ALL of our adopted children actually DO have two mothers and it's ok to love us both. Some search and find it's not so great on the other side. Some search and are happy. The vast majority do not suddenly dump us for them and it helps if we all get along. It is usually the older adoptees, who remember their birthparents as awful as they were, who leave. My son did not have that, but he never felt like he belonged in the U.S. and is very happy now with a Chinese wife and living that culture. Adoption is complicated and we, as parents, must acknowledge it makes our beloved children think of things biological children don't think about. And it's ok for them to wonder and want to know. It is NOT a rejection. I am extremely close to my girls and Sonic, all adopted. I am not afraid of losing their love to anybody else, but am happy to share it. Jumper, in particular, always talks about what a great life she's had and how much she loves us (we love her FB messages), but she still said adoption is tough. We are all born with different constitutions. Some of us are more vulnerable and sensitive and some of us are tougher. How we react to situations is largely due to our hardwiring. Jumper and Sonic seem to be very tough and actually so does Princess. But Goneboy came so late...it may and probably would have been the same wit him if he had only come as an infant, but that didn't happen. It is what it is. It's NOT your fault at all Rina. He was already stiffening when you got him...he already did not feel comfortable with the loving expression of a hug. That is NOT on you. You did your very best for him and will continue to try to help him. I know you will. Let us not forget how many hurting mothers are here who have given birth to children who are rejecting them. There are various reasons our grown children do this. It is certainly not just older adopted children. It's becoming common. [/QUOTE]
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Son is back. Now what?
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