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Son is hopeless
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 532190" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Okay i had a HUGE LONG lengthy thing written out and it dumped so I went back to the thing with the MAYO clinic and BORDERLINE - and I'll explain why - I didn't mean to hurt ANYONE - and here's what I was thining...and why. </p><p></p><p>FIRST OFF - I DO NOT THINK that the TED BUNDY thing is for ANYTHING other than to get attention. PERIOD! WHY? Because I lived with a socipath/PSYCHOPATH - natural born killer. For me to explain to ANYONE how evil this man was from birth - would be impossible. IMPOSSIBLE. I can tell you - he was charming, charasmatic, INTELLIGENT, beguiling, drug addicted, sexually deviant, perverted, self-centered, antagonistic, sadistic, perverted, mean, cruel, heartless, had absolutely =and I mean ABSOLUTELY ZERO remorse for anything that he did. MANIPULATIVE to the point that if he beat you to a pulp and put you in the ICU - and left you with broken bones.....HE could convince you that YOU did something to offend HIM to a degree that YOU deserved it - time and time again. And his Mother and most of his family - generations back - were similar in nature - his Grandfather was nearly identical in genetic makeup. Cruel sadistic , but I have no idea if he was a killer. How do they get away with things? Go figure - Some of them do for years and years. Then some of them get so full of themselves eventually they get caught. Doesn't make every one of them a serial killer - but the one thing that I did see in BLACK GANTS son - was REMORSE - and a few other between the lines - that made me think ------SALVAGEABLE - </p><p></p><p>in my humble opinion - after KNOWING Borderlines - and living with a psycho? I'd WAY rather think - Gosh this kid can be changed - with therapy - and medicaitons - in years ------than to have someone say - he's pscyhopathic. MOST psychopathics (again in my HUMBLE non-professional what do I ever know) opinion....psychopaths are born....and sociopaths are created. I think they go through stages of CD, antisocial then sociopath. without treatment. I believe this personally because my own son - was the son of a psychopath /sociopath - (after being diagnosis with CD, and streaming rapidly towards anti-social) but we got him into therapy - and changed the mapping in his head. We averted the problem by fixing things that otherwise woudl have gone stagnant. Altered the state. You can't alter genetics. Psychopaths are genetic. </p><p></p><p>So when she says things like - HE turned himself in - (to me) this is an admission of guilt. A willingness to want to fix things? (he wants to go to rehab) I think he drinks to forget the pain of something, some memory that hurts him so deeply...maybe he doesn't even remember. I think drugs was just the next natural progression. As far as his sexual orientation and preference? Maybe some of the hurt comes from not feeling like hes understood or accepted. I have no clue. Doesn't bother me - but if he's never fully accepted who he is or what he's out there doing? Maybe it does bother him? Maybe he doesn't understand any of it. Again I don't know. There are so many places here where I live that help kids out who are gay, bi - transgendered...I can't imagine anyone NOT getting help or having like-minded friends to help you with places to go, people to hang out with, but I DO know that even in some circles there are kids that don't fit -with kids that feel they don't fit. (understand?) Anymore in todays world? He's not such an outcast. And anything that you've said about the things that hes doing? Well I'm sure there's a lot of us here that just aren't sitting here with our mouths agape. I'm not. Except for amonia on the brain. That has got to be painful - but with him? I see a lot of pain. </p><p></p><p>Then there's that - I'm going to give up after you die Mom hmmm. AFTER YOU DIE? Well why not now. What's the connection there to you? COMPASSION.....I don't think it's TO GIVE YOU PAIN Black Gnat - I mean if he was a psychopath or a serial killer - He'd be out killing other people - and taking care of himself - they are SELFISH people. NOT WORRIED ABOUT he doesn't want to hurt you first. THEN he'll go. Understand what I'm saying? THERE would be no - gosh I can't go first and hurt Mom. He's telling you - I don't want to hurt you any more than you already hurt - so I'll wait. COMPASSION. BUT he craves YOUR attention - and you're turning a blind eye to him - so WHAT could he do that he already hasn't done to get SHOCK value ? AHhhhhh TED BUNDY.....well - he's not even the worst there was. But he's one of the most famous. Yeah - I just don't see the psychopath connection. AGAIN - it's just me - </p><p></p><p>What I do see - is self-harming behaviors and a lot of the OTHER behaviors displayed by borderlines - THAT is why I put up the link to the MAYO clinic. To me....and apparently not a lot of others.....but to me....his personality seems all over the place. But he's got co-morbids of alcohol abuse, and drug abuse too.....so tht could alter a lot of his behaviors. In between the lines? I see what I see - or see what I think I see. Mostly I see a kid that is frightened, of loosing his Mom. HAS ZERO coping skills with the world. ZERO anger management skills.....and for as many times as he's been taught lessons - does not grasp or refuses to grasp them. - My question to that would be WHY -WHAT is he so scared of? WHAT traumatic event set all this off, and changed his life? Or what series of events? At some point he's going to have to face all of those questions IF he wants to get fixed. And I said - I don't think he's hopeless. He just has to want to come back - MORE than he wants booze, Drugs and self-destruction. TO do that? He'll need help and by help - I don't mean Mom - YOU can be support - but you can't fix him. He's past the help you can give him. He needs a therapist, A higher power.but most of all he needs willpower and want. If he can find just one of those? He's got a start.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 532190, member: 4964"] Okay i had a HUGE LONG lengthy thing written out and it dumped so I went back to the thing with the MAYO clinic and BORDERLINE - and I'll explain why - I didn't mean to hurt ANYONE - and here's what I was thining...and why. FIRST OFF - I DO NOT THINK that the TED BUNDY thing is for ANYTHING other than to get attention. PERIOD! WHY? Because I lived with a socipath/PSYCHOPATH - natural born killer. For me to explain to ANYONE how evil this man was from birth - would be impossible. IMPOSSIBLE. I can tell you - he was charming, charasmatic, INTELLIGENT, beguiling, drug addicted, sexually deviant, perverted, self-centered, antagonistic, sadistic, perverted, mean, cruel, heartless, had absolutely =and I mean ABSOLUTELY ZERO remorse for anything that he did. MANIPULATIVE to the point that if he beat you to a pulp and put you in the ICU - and left you with broken bones.....HE could convince you that YOU did something to offend HIM to a degree that YOU deserved it - time and time again. And his Mother and most of his family - generations back - were similar in nature - his Grandfather was nearly identical in genetic makeup. Cruel sadistic , but I have no idea if he was a killer. How do they get away with things? Go figure - Some of them do for years and years. Then some of them get so full of themselves eventually they get caught. Doesn't make every one of them a serial killer - but the one thing that I did see in BLACK GANTS son - was REMORSE - and a few other between the lines - that made me think ------SALVAGEABLE - in my humble opinion - after KNOWING Borderlines - and living with a psycho? I'd WAY rather think - Gosh this kid can be changed - with therapy - and medicaitons - in years ------than to have someone say - he's pscyhopathic. MOST psychopathics (again in my HUMBLE non-professional what do I ever know) opinion....psychopaths are born....and sociopaths are created. I think they go through stages of CD, antisocial then sociopath. without treatment. I believe this personally because my own son - was the son of a psychopath /sociopath - (after being diagnosis with CD, and streaming rapidly towards anti-social) but we got him into therapy - and changed the mapping in his head. We averted the problem by fixing things that otherwise woudl have gone stagnant. Altered the state. You can't alter genetics. Psychopaths are genetic. So when she says things like - HE turned himself in - (to me) this is an admission of guilt. A willingness to want to fix things? (he wants to go to rehab) I think he drinks to forget the pain of something, some memory that hurts him so deeply...maybe he doesn't even remember. I think drugs was just the next natural progression. As far as his sexual orientation and preference? Maybe some of the hurt comes from not feeling like hes understood or accepted. I have no clue. Doesn't bother me - but if he's never fully accepted who he is or what he's out there doing? Maybe it does bother him? Maybe he doesn't understand any of it. Again I don't know. There are so many places here where I live that help kids out who are gay, bi - transgendered...I can't imagine anyone NOT getting help or having like-minded friends to help you with places to go, people to hang out with, but I DO know that even in some circles there are kids that don't fit -with kids that feel they don't fit. (understand?) Anymore in todays world? He's not such an outcast. And anything that you've said about the things that hes doing? Well I'm sure there's a lot of us here that just aren't sitting here with our mouths agape. I'm not. Except for amonia on the brain. That has got to be painful - but with him? I see a lot of pain. Then there's that - I'm going to give up after you die Mom hmmm. AFTER YOU DIE? Well why not now. What's the connection there to you? COMPASSION.....I don't think it's TO GIVE YOU PAIN Black Gnat - I mean if he was a psychopath or a serial killer - He'd be out killing other people - and taking care of himself - they are SELFISH people. NOT WORRIED ABOUT he doesn't want to hurt you first. THEN he'll go. Understand what I'm saying? THERE would be no - gosh I can't go first and hurt Mom. He's telling you - I don't want to hurt you any more than you already hurt - so I'll wait. COMPASSION. BUT he craves YOUR attention - and you're turning a blind eye to him - so WHAT could he do that he already hasn't done to get SHOCK value ? AHhhhhh TED BUNDY.....well - he's not even the worst there was. But he's one of the most famous. Yeah - I just don't see the psychopath connection. AGAIN - it's just me - What I do see - is self-harming behaviors and a lot of the OTHER behaviors displayed by borderlines - THAT is why I put up the link to the MAYO clinic. To me....and apparently not a lot of others.....but to me....his personality seems all over the place. But he's got co-morbids of alcohol abuse, and drug abuse too.....so tht could alter a lot of his behaviors. In between the lines? I see what I see - or see what I think I see. Mostly I see a kid that is frightened, of loosing his Mom. HAS ZERO coping skills with the world. ZERO anger management skills.....and for as many times as he's been taught lessons - does not grasp or refuses to grasp them. - My question to that would be WHY -WHAT is he so scared of? WHAT traumatic event set all this off, and changed his life? Or what series of events? At some point he's going to have to face all of those questions IF he wants to get fixed. And I said - I don't think he's hopeless. He just has to want to come back - MORE than he wants booze, Drugs and self-destruction. TO do that? He'll need help and by help - I don't mean Mom - YOU can be support - but you can't fix him. He's past the help you can give him. He needs a therapist, A higher power.but most of all he needs willpower and want. If he can find just one of those? He's got a start. [/QUOTE]
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