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Son on the road, somewhere, cold, wet, skint, stuck.
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 626603" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Oh Lucy, I'm sorry. I hate these phone calls, desperate, middle-of-the-night-driving-rain-I'm-cold,starving-homeless-save-me. My difficult child even added I'm bleeding from my "bottom". Sorry probably too much information. Drama, chaos, unbelievable. </p><p></p><p>We all get them. We are not alone here. You're not alone here Lucy. </p><p></p><p>I read today in some recovery literature about people setting lots more limits about contact. I read it with interest.</p><p></p><p>They talk to their difficult child at predetermined times---Wednesday nights between 5:15 and 5:30 and Sunday nights the same. That's the time. No other calls at any other times. And she met with her son once a month for coffee for one hour---again predetermined place and time.</p><p></p><p>It cuts out all of this stuff, the desperate calls help to get them out of yet another crisis. But it allows us to offer something.</p><p></p><p>I like this concept. If you remember, Lucy, I tried to create this with difficult child---phone calls on Saturday mornings between 10 and 11 I believe it was. I didn't perfect that, that time, but the 10 minutes on Fridays in the car outside the day shelter worked.</p><p></p><p>It worked until I allowed him to come over that Saturday and spent time here, taking a shower, seeing about his car, etc. I learned then, that it was too much for me. </p><p></p><p>It took me some time to recover from that.</p><p></p><p>Will I be able next time to set stronger boundaries? I hope so. I am working hard not to cut off contact, because of course, I'm his mother and he's my son and that is the last thing I want to do.</p><p></p><p>I know that people do it for a while and for even longer, when things get bad enough. From what I read, it hurts a lot at first, but it gets better with time. I read today about a woman who hasn't talked with her son in five years and she's okay. She's happy.</p><p></p><p>I think you did the best you could here, Lucy. Let yourself off the hook. You might think about writing down what you'd like to see happen from now on and then let it rest for a few days and look at it again. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Interesting comment he made here. Our sons haven't grown up. They still rely on us for that emotional support that with PCs, would be okay to provide. With difficult children, it's not good. </p><p></p><p>This is tough stuff, Lucy. Big hugs to you today.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 626603, member: 17542"] Oh Lucy, I'm sorry. I hate these phone calls, desperate, middle-of-the-night-driving-rain-I'm-cold,starving-homeless-save-me. My difficult child even added I'm bleeding from my "bottom". Sorry probably too much information. Drama, chaos, unbelievable. We all get them. We are not alone here. You're not alone here Lucy. I read today in some recovery literature about people setting lots more limits about contact. I read it with interest. They talk to their difficult child at predetermined times---Wednesday nights between 5:15 and 5:30 and Sunday nights the same. That's the time. No other calls at any other times. And she met with her son once a month for coffee for one hour---again predetermined place and time. It cuts out all of this stuff, the desperate calls help to get them out of yet another crisis. But it allows us to offer something. I like this concept. If you remember, Lucy, I tried to create this with difficult child---phone calls on Saturday mornings between 10 and 11 I believe it was. I didn't perfect that, that time, but the 10 minutes on Fridays in the car outside the day shelter worked. It worked until I allowed him to come over that Saturday and spent time here, taking a shower, seeing about his car, etc. I learned then, that it was too much for me. It took me some time to recover from that. Will I be able next time to set stronger boundaries? I hope so. I am working hard not to cut off contact, because of course, I'm his mother and he's my son and that is the last thing I want to do. I know that people do it for a while and for even longer, when things get bad enough. From what I read, it hurts a lot at first, but it gets better with time. I read today about a woman who hasn't talked with her son in five years and she's okay. She's happy. I think you did the best you could here, Lucy. Let yourself off the hook. You might think about writing down what you'd like to see happen from now on and then let it rest for a few days and look at it again. Interesting comment he made here. Our sons haven't grown up. They still rely on us for that emotional support that with PCs, would be okay to provide. With difficult children, it's not good. This is tough stuff, Lucy. Big hugs to you today. [/QUOTE]
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