Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Son on the road, somewhere, cold, wet, skint, stuck.
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Stress Bunny" data-source="post: 626872" data-attributes="member: 4855"><p>Lucy, you're human like the rest of us. I have done things like that. In fact, we bailed our difficult child out of jail not long ago, and even though we made him pay us back immediately, we have vowed never to bail him out again. Helping is doing something another person cannot do for himself. If you are doing something for another person that he can do for himself, then you are enabling. I have come to understand this, and I would bet most of us enabled for a time before learning that enabling is not helping. In fact, it perpetuates the problem. So, if it works for you going forward, you can ask yourself the simple question of whether or not your difficult child has the ability to do whatever it might be for himself. If the answer is yes, then don't do it for him. In the case of our difficult child, getting into jail was his own doing, and spending time there if he couldn't post bail was a consequence he should have faced. We rescued him from that, placing the consequence upon ourselves instead of squarely where it belonged. We have learned our lesson, and honestly, it feels good to know that finally his problems are going to be his problems, not ours.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Stress Bunny, post: 626872, member: 4855"] Lucy, you're human like the rest of us. I have done things like that. In fact, we bailed our difficult child out of jail not long ago, and even though we made him pay us back immediately, we have vowed never to bail him out again. Helping is doing something another person cannot do for himself. If you are doing something for another person that he can do for himself, then you are enabling. I have come to understand this, and I would bet most of us enabled for a time before learning that enabling is not helping. In fact, it perpetuates the problem. So, if it works for you going forward, you can ask yourself the simple question of whether or not your difficult child has the ability to do whatever it might be for himself. If the answer is yes, then don't do it for him. In the case of our difficult child, getting into jail was his own doing, and spending time there if he couldn't post bail was a consequence he should have faced. We rescued him from that, placing the consequence upon ourselves instead of squarely where it belonged. We have learned our lesson, and honestly, it feels good to know that finally his problems are going to be his problems, not ours. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Son on the road, somewhere, cold, wet, skint, stuck.
Top