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Parent Emeritus
Son on the road, somewhere, cold, wet, skint, stuck.
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 626894" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Yes, Lucy, it does. I don't want to lose my humanity in all of this awfulness, and sometimes I have to challenge myself on the stands I take and the decisions I make.</p><p></p><p>Am I saying no out of the wrong motive? I have learned in Al-anon that my motives are important. </p><p></p><p>Am I just mad and so I'm saying no to be punitive? </p><p>Am I saying no because I don't need to do something for somebody that they can do for themselves?</p><p></p><p>Why am I saying yes? Who is it really for? </p><p></p><p>Time is the key. Taking time---having space---between the phone call and my response, between the ask for help and my response, between hearing the story and my response---that is the key to a reasoned response.</p><p></p><p>Having to make a quick decision is usually not good for me. </p><p>That's when I get all twisted up and I'm reacting, not responding.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 626894, member: 17542"] Yes, Lucy, it does. I don't want to lose my humanity in all of this awfulness, and sometimes I have to challenge myself on the stands I take and the decisions I make. Am I saying no out of the wrong motive? I have learned in Al-anon that my motives are important. Am I just mad and so I'm saying no to be punitive? Am I saying no because I don't need to do something for somebody that they can do for themselves? Why am I saying yes? Who is it really for? Time is the key. Taking time---having space---between the phone call and my response, between the ask for help and my response, between hearing the story and my response---that is the key to a reasoned response. Having to make a quick decision is usually not good for me. That's when I get all twisted up and I'm reacting, not responding. [/QUOTE]
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Son on the road, somewhere, cold, wet, skint, stuck.
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