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Parent Emeritus
Son on the road, somewhere, cold, wet, skint, stuck.
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 626923" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Lucy, I'm rather impulsive and patience is a lesson for me too, so I understand how you feel. It's been a challenge to step back and then step back once again, but it works. Once they recognize that we will not respond in the old ways, they set their sight somewhere else. I was surprised to learn that my daughter began calling her Dad, who she has an extremely limited connection with. Oddly, he didn't know the "script" so she had to start blatantly asking him for money. They adapt well to each individual case. But the 'hook' for you, as for many of us, is the perceived suffering we believe our difficult child's are going through and then we offer something so we can feel better. It is uncomfortable to stop, it's our "drug" and we have to stop taking it. The way to do that is to refrain from making any offers. I was also surprised how efficiently it worked too. Some kids here act out and start really blaming their parents and react badly. My daughter, perhaps being so much older, didn't do that, she just stopped and went elsewhere.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 626923, member: 13542"] Lucy, I'm rather impulsive and patience is a lesson for me too, so I understand how you feel. It's been a challenge to step back and then step back once again, but it works. Once they recognize that we will not respond in the old ways, they set their sight somewhere else. I was surprised to learn that my daughter began calling her Dad, who she has an extremely limited connection with. Oddly, he didn't know the "script" so she had to start blatantly asking him for money. They adapt well to each individual case. But the 'hook' for you, as for many of us, is the perceived suffering we believe our difficult child's are going through and then we offer something so we can feel better. It is uncomfortable to stop, it's our "drug" and we have to stop taking it. The way to do that is to refrain from making any offers. I was also surprised how efficiently it worked too. Some kids here act out and start really blaming their parents and react badly. My daughter, perhaps being so much older, didn't do that, she just stopped and went elsewhere. [/QUOTE]
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Son on the road, somewhere, cold, wet, skint, stuck.
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