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Substance Abuse
Son self-sabotages every opportunity
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<blockquote data-quote="Nandina" data-source="post: 764102" data-attributes="member: 23742"><p>Thank you for your prayers, Nomad. I know you have been through some hellacious times with issues concerning your daughter.</p><p></p><p>I consider you one of the voices of experience on this forum, although it’s certainly no fun being experienced at this, is it? But those of you who are more experienced at this are so helpful to those members here just beginning to deal with detaching from or other issues of their wayward adult child. They learn that they can eventually live a good, somewhat peaceful existence with some self-care, perhaps therapy or support systems, and a lot of consistency.</p><p></p><p>Sometimes I wonder if my son knowingly screws up just so he can get out of an undesirable situation that he seems incapable of handling in an acceptable way.</p><p></p><p>For instance, he liked his cafeteria job but I don’t think he liked living under the rules of the assisted living home at the same time, especially the curfew. He had just recently gotten his freedom, becoming homeless, so he was used to doing whatever he pleased. My son hates rules in general. My husband and I often joke that he never met a rule he couldn’t break.</p><p></p><p>Concerning the recent living situation with his friend, by the end of his four-month stay there he absolutely hated it and told me so (not at the time). I can think of no other reason why except that his “friend” was treating him poorly, and had discovered that he could use my son to do his dirty work by threatening to kick him out. There were not a lot of restrictive rules in that house or other reasons he would hate it. He was fairly independent, as much as he could be, considering he was dependent on the friend for transportation.</p><p></p><p>I’ve mentioned the two were life-long friends who, beginning when they were in third grade, would swear that they absolutely would be friends for life. It was real cute at the time. And so far, they had been. But as my son told me, the friend had changed.</p><p></p><p>How does one handle that reality given the social situation deficits of my son, who discovered all this after he moved in with the friend? He simply lacks the skills to express his feelings appropriately and instead lets anger build up over the unfairness of it all, and after he has reached his limit, explodes. He is normally a gentle person. Meth totally changes his demeanor.</p><p></p><p>I actually asked my son if he did the meth so he could be tougher when having to deal with the awful way his “friend” was treating him. He said no, but I wonder. I think it’s just easier for him to say no, or I don’t know, than to confront and express his feelings of being genuinely hurt by someone he truly cared about.</p><p></p><p>Not excusing the behavior here. Just trying to understand it.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nandina, post: 764102, member: 23742"] Thank you for your prayers, Nomad. I know you have been through some hellacious times with issues concerning your daughter. I consider you one of the voices of experience on this forum, although it’s certainly no fun being experienced at this, is it? But those of you who are more experienced at this are so helpful to those members here just beginning to deal with detaching from or other issues of their wayward adult child. They learn that they can eventually live a good, somewhat peaceful existence with some self-care, perhaps therapy or support systems, and a lot of consistency. Sometimes I wonder if my son knowingly screws up just so he can get out of an undesirable situation that he seems incapable of handling in an acceptable way. For instance, he liked his cafeteria job but I don’t think he liked living under the rules of the assisted living home at the same time, especially the curfew. He had just recently gotten his freedom, becoming homeless, so he was used to doing whatever he pleased. My son hates rules in general. My husband and I often joke that he never met a rule he couldn’t break. Concerning the recent living situation with his friend, by the end of his four-month stay there he absolutely hated it and told me so (not at the time). I can think of no other reason why except that his “friend” was treating him poorly, and had discovered that he could use my son to do his dirty work by threatening to kick him out. There were not a lot of restrictive rules in that house or other reasons he would hate it. He was fairly independent, as much as he could be, considering he was dependent on the friend for transportation. I’ve mentioned the two were life-long friends who, beginning when they were in third grade, would swear that they absolutely would be friends for life. It was real cute at the time. And so far, they had been. But as my son told me, the friend had changed. How does one handle that reality given the social situation deficits of my son, who discovered all this after he moved in with the friend? He simply lacks the skills to express his feelings appropriately and instead lets anger build up over the unfairness of it all, and after he has reached his limit, explodes. He is normally a gentle person. Meth totally changes his demeanor. I actually asked my son if he did the meth so he could be tougher when having to deal with the awful way his “friend” was treating him. He said no, but I wonder. I think it’s just easier for him to say no, or I don’t know, than to confront and express his feelings of being genuinely hurt by someone he truly cared about. Not excusing the behavior here. Just trying to understand it. [/QUOTE]
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