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Substance Abuse
Son self-sabotages every opportunity
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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 764124" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Nandina,</p><p>I wonder what’s going on with your quote thingy? Hope it can be resolved. Being able to insert quotes helps me so much.</p><p></p><p>It does take great effort, especially when there is “news” or attempts by my two at contact. Then I have to process the sadness all over again. I do find each time I am getting a bit better at it, not allowing myself to delve too deep into the madness and sadness of it all. But it does take a bit of a toll. The other day I got a call from an unknown number, I don’t pick up because of scammers. It was Rain, using someone’s phone. I called back the number and it went to voicemail. Then got a call back. One of her street friends explained she was trying to get Rain to go to a DV shelter with her, that Rain was going out with her former boyfriend, who is quite violent. This is not the first time my daughter has tangled with this and probably won’t be the last. I am sad for her, but this pattern has become so <em>predictable</em>. Those chance calls of some disaster or drama, then…..nothing. I am left a bit rattled but have to steady myself and give it to God.</p><p></p><p>Thank you Nandina, I try to provide stability. My two grandsons decided four years ago to drift back to their Dads family. They are doing better, the eldest has two children and a steady job. The younger is a senior in high school and hopefully, will graduate. My granddaughter decided to stay with me and is now a sophomore. She has her moments as most teens do, but for the most part has a good head on her shoulders. She is very stoic in regards to her parents and does not want contact with them. They all have a lot to process because of their trauma, and I hope that they will be able to do that when they are ready and find peace. My two and half year old grandson (their half brother) is doing well so far, despite his drug exposure with Tornado. He has calmed a bit with the love he receives from the family. He is still quite reactive and agitated at times but is learning to regulate somewhat.</p><p></p><p>I don’t remember meth as a teen of the 70’s, but there were plenty drugs back then to experiment with. I was a wild child, and dabbled for a bit, but thankfully didn’t get hooked like my two are. It is shocking to see the effects of meth. One of my nephews a few years back, asked me why I just don’t let my daughters camp out in the back yard, that would be better than them being on the streets. I explained to him that that it is not possible to house people that can’t be trusted. I asked him if he did meth, “Only a little bit, Aunty, but I control it.” A few weeks later he was running around screaming and ranting- full meth psychosis, threatening to kill his grandmother. So much for controlling it. He is on the streets now, and looks like so many others who have succumbed to this awful drug.</p><p></p><p>Who can tell a teenager or young adult anything? They know <em>everything</em>…….not! Especially boys. Don’t beat yourself up for being a good parent and trying to inform him and warn him.</p><p></p><p>I read somewhere that teens are DNA programmed from tribal times to rebel against parents. That inclination made them leave and seek out other clans which prevented inter- breeding. Hmmmm. Not to mention the new studies that say the pre frontal cortex is not fully developed until——gulp—-27. My son is 22 and struggles at times. I have 5 more years of this? Lord help me! My Hoku tells me that now that she has her own kids, she understands what we parents go through.</p><p></p><p>I am hoping my grandson will be able to overcome the challenges we all face due to his exposure. I had a conversation with an EMT awhile back. He spoke of being a meth baby, but fortunately, he was able to rise above the challenges and make a life for himself. I still hold out hope for my two, that one day they will see their light and potential without drugs. But, I can’t base my own life on whatever outcomes may be. I think examining the past, the whys and how’s and what ifs, is part of our road to our own recovery. </p><p></p><p>So many questions and no answers. It all boils down to the fact that we have no control over any of it. Letting go and letting God has helped me in many instances from spiraling into the emotional abyss of it. I do have my moments, but, am thankful to have this site and a few friends that are going through a similar journey. Writing and speaking our pain is so important to flushing it out. I read recently that our perspective on life has a lot to do with our physical health, regulating hormones, etc. It was once too painful for me to remember my two as babes and young children, that kept me in the fog of it all, and desperate for solutions and outcomes that I had no control over. I am now able to look at old photos and be thankful for the memories and good times. What the future holds is up to our adult kids choices. With Gods grace, I hope that we all can continue to acknowledge that with our thoughts, words and actions and focus on what we can control, our reactions. It is not an easy process, but we do deserve peace and joy in the lives we have ahead of us.</p><p>Keep up the good work, Nandina, you are resilient and strong. You’ve got this, one day at a time.</p><p>(((Hugs)))</p><p>New Leaf</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 764124, member: 19522"] Nandina, I wonder what’s going on with your quote thingy? Hope it can be resolved. Being able to insert quotes helps me so much. It does take great effort, especially when there is “news” or attempts by my two at contact. Then I have to process the sadness all over again. I do find each time I am getting a bit better at it, not allowing myself to delve too deep into the madness and sadness of it all. But it does take a bit of a toll. The other day I got a call from an unknown number, I don’t pick up because of scammers. It was Rain, using someone’s phone. I called back the number and it went to voicemail. Then got a call back. One of her street friends explained she was trying to get Rain to go to a DV shelter with her, that Rain was going out with her former boyfriend, who is quite violent. This is not the first time my daughter has tangled with this and probably won’t be the last. I am sad for her, but this pattern has become so [I]predictable[/I]. Those chance calls of some disaster or drama, then…..nothing. I am left a bit rattled but have to steady myself and give it to God. Thank you Nandina, I try to provide stability. My two grandsons decided four years ago to drift back to their Dads family. They are doing better, the eldest has two children and a steady job. The younger is a senior in high school and hopefully, will graduate. My granddaughter decided to stay with me and is now a sophomore. She has her moments as most teens do, but for the most part has a good head on her shoulders. She is very stoic in regards to her parents and does not want contact with them. They all have a lot to process because of their trauma, and I hope that they will be able to do that when they are ready and find peace. My two and half year old grandson (their half brother) is doing well so far, despite his drug exposure with Tornado. He has calmed a bit with the love he receives from the family. He is still quite reactive and agitated at times but is learning to regulate somewhat. I don’t remember meth as a teen of the 70’s, but there were plenty drugs back then to experiment with. I was a wild child, and dabbled for a bit, but thankfully didn’t get hooked like my two are. It is shocking to see the effects of meth. One of my nephews a few years back, asked me why I just don’t let my daughters camp out in the back yard, that would be better than them being on the streets. I explained to him that that it is not possible to house people that can’t be trusted. I asked him if he did meth, “Only a little bit, Aunty, but I control it.” A few weeks later he was running around screaming and ranting- full meth psychosis, threatening to kill his grandmother. So much for controlling it. He is on the streets now, and looks like so many others who have succumbed to this awful drug. Who can tell a teenager or young adult anything? They know [I]everything[/I]…….not! Especially boys. Don’t beat yourself up for being a good parent and trying to inform him and warn him. I read somewhere that teens are DNA programmed from tribal times to rebel against parents. That inclination made them leave and seek out other clans which prevented inter- breeding. Hmmmm. Not to mention the new studies that say the pre frontal cortex is not fully developed until——gulp—-27. My son is 22 and struggles at times. I have 5 more years of this? Lord help me! My Hoku tells me that now that she has her own kids, she understands what we parents go through. I am hoping my grandson will be able to overcome the challenges we all face due to his exposure. I had a conversation with an EMT awhile back. He spoke of being a meth baby, but fortunately, he was able to rise above the challenges and make a life for himself. I still hold out hope for my two, that one day they will see their light and potential without drugs. But, I can’t base my own life on whatever outcomes may be. I think examining the past, the whys and how’s and what ifs, is part of our road to our own recovery. So many questions and no answers. It all boils down to the fact that we have no control over any of it. Letting go and letting God has helped me in many instances from spiraling into the emotional abyss of it. I do have my moments, but, am thankful to have this site and a few friends that are going through a similar journey. Writing and speaking our pain is so important to flushing it out. I read recently that our perspective on life has a lot to do with our physical health, regulating hormones, etc. It was once too painful for me to remember my two as babes and young children, that kept me in the fog of it all, and desperate for solutions and outcomes that I had no control over. I am now able to look at old photos and be thankful for the memories and good times. What the future holds is up to our adult kids choices. With Gods grace, I hope that we all can continue to acknowledge that with our thoughts, words and actions and focus on what we can control, our reactions. It is not an easy process, but we do deserve peace and joy in the lives we have ahead of us. Keep up the good work, Nandina, you are resilient and strong. You’ve got this, one day at a time. (((Hugs))) New Leaf [/QUOTE]
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