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Son threatened me emotionally and I"m so tired. Did I do the right thing?
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 300806" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>For the 1&#37; of you who don't know <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/tongue.png" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":tongue:" title="tongue :tongue:" data-shortname=":tongue:" /> he and his wife are having serious marital troubles and he has chosen me to be the one to vent to, which is, by the way, emotionally draining. This adult child, age 31 (his wife is 28) has many psychiatric issues, but has also always been a bit cold, although we've also always been close. I am going to cut and paste something he wrote to me and my response to him. I can't stand his wife, and it's mutual, although in all honesty I don't know what I did to make her hate me so much. But I don't want to talk to her. He knows this. She is rude and disrespectful and you can't really have a give and take let's-work-it-out conversation with her. I almost fear hurtful words. By the way, when they first married, she treated me like I was her mother, calling me with her problems. Suddenly, she hates me. The reason is beyond trivial, but it's a big deal to her. To find out why, read the Watercooler <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p><p></p><p> I haven't heard from my son since I finally got some female gonads and stuck up for myself. The fact is, I can be a big doormat and let my kids be rude to me, but, since Scott decided to disappear, I've had more of a "if you don't treat me well, good-bye" attitude. My son Mark knows that this type of threat will scare me because of Scott and what he did, but I don't want him to think he can just threaten me and I'll do whatever he wants. And I won't. I've really gotten good at detaching lately. HOwever, did I say the right thing? Was I too harsh? Am I just an idiot? Here we go:</p><p></p><p>This is his e-mail to me from work.</p><p>J. just blew up at me. She asked for your # earlier. If she does</p><p>call, please answer, act cordial or you'll have another missing son,</p><p>hold your tongue as hard as it'll be and be and just act like you</p><p>understand you dont see him much, but when you are up here, youd like to</p><p>see him as much as possible.</p><p></p><p>My response:</p><p>M, I am not a doctor. I don't know how to deal with this. I tried.</p><p>But I am a person too, and I am not going to talk to J. If you</p><p>want to vent to me, that's fine, but you can't be rude to me and you</p><p>can not threaten me. If you want to disappear and not have a mother, I</p><p>can't stop you. And I won't stop you. Think about if that's what you</p><p>want and, if it is, then do what you think is best for you.</p><p></p><p>I have always tried to be the best mother I can, and I'm tired out. I</p><p>am happy to help in any way, but I want to be treated respectfully.</p><p>I'm sorry you are going through this. I am here for you if you realize</p><p>there are things I just can't do, even for you. It's up to you and</p><p>J to save or dissolve your marriage. I have no idea how to do</p><p>anything other than listen to you. J. isn't my child, she doesn't</p><p>like me, she doesn't want me to be with George (granson), and I don't want to</p><p>talk to her unless I am forced to do it at family affairs, unless you</p><p>decide I'm not your mom anymore and you stop coming to family affairs.</p><p>Because Julie, Dad, me, Nicole, Tom and Lucas are still going to</p><p>remain a family. I sincerely hope you and George also join us.</p><p>J., I don't really care if she joins us or not. If she does, we</p><p>are civilized people. We will not be rude to her, the way she was rude</p><p>to me at Julie's house.</p><p></p><p>I love you with all my heart, but I feel you are asking too much of</p><p>me. I don't want to get in between you and J. I just want to</p><p>listen to YOU, not her. She can talk to her sister or mom or somebody</p><p>else.</p><p></p><p>Love,</p><p>Mom</p><p></p><p><img src="https://mail.google.com/mail/images/cleardot.gif" alt="" class="fr-fic fr-dii fr-draggable " style="" /> Reply</p><p></p><p><img src="https://mail.google.com/mail/images/cleardot.gif" alt="" class="fr-fic fr-dii fr-draggable " style="" /> Forward</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 300806, member: 1550"] For the 1% of you who don't know :raspberry-tounge: he and his wife are having serious marital troubles and he has chosen me to be the one to vent to, which is, by the way, emotionally draining. This adult child, age 31 (his wife is 28) has many psychiatric issues, but has also always been a bit cold, although we've also always been close. I am going to cut and paste something he wrote to me and my response to him. I can't stand his wife, and it's mutual, although in all honesty I don't know what I did to make her hate me so much. But I don't want to talk to her. He knows this. She is rude and disrespectful and you can't really have a give and take let's-work-it-out conversation with her. I almost fear hurtful words. By the way, when they first married, she treated me like I was her mother, calling me with her problems. Suddenly, she hates me. The reason is beyond trivial, but it's a big deal to her. To find out why, read the Watercooler :) I haven't heard from my son since I finally got some female gonads and stuck up for myself. The fact is, I can be a big doormat and let my kids be rude to me, but, since Scott decided to disappear, I've had more of a "if you don't treat me well, good-bye" attitude. My son Mark knows that this type of threat will scare me because of Scott and what he did, but I don't want him to think he can just threaten me and I'll do whatever he wants. And I won't. I've really gotten good at detaching lately. HOwever, did I say the right thing? Was I too harsh? Am I just an idiot? Here we go: This is his e-mail to me from work. J. just blew up at me. She asked for your # earlier. If she does call, please answer, act cordial or you'll have another missing son, hold your tongue as hard as it'll be and be and just act like you understand you dont see him much, but when you are up here, youd like to see him as much as possible. My response: M, I am not a doctor. I don't know how to deal with this. I tried. But I am a person too, and I am not going to talk to J. If you want to vent to me, that's fine, but you can't be rude to me and you can not threaten me. If you want to disappear and not have a mother, I can't stop you. And I won't stop you. Think about if that's what you want and, if it is, then do what you think is best for you. I have always tried to be the best mother I can, and I'm tired out. I am happy to help in any way, but I want to be treated respectfully. I'm sorry you are going through this. I am here for you if you realize there are things I just can't do, even for you. It's up to you and J to save or dissolve your marriage. I have no idea how to do anything other than listen to you. J. isn't my child, she doesn't like me, she doesn't want me to be with George (granson), and I don't want to talk to her unless I am forced to do it at family affairs, unless you decide I'm not your mom anymore and you stop coming to family affairs. Because Julie, Dad, me, Nicole, Tom and Lucas are still going to remain a family. I sincerely hope you and George also join us. J., I don't really care if she joins us or not. If she does, we are civilized people. We will not be rude to her, the way she was rude to me at Julie's house. I love you with all my heart, but I feel you are asking too much of me. I don't want to get in between you and J. I just want to listen to YOU, not her. She can talk to her sister or mom or somebody else. Love, Mom [IMG]https://mail.google.com/mail/images/cleardot.gif[/IMG] Reply [IMG]https://mail.google.com/mail/images/cleardot.gif[/IMG] Forward [/QUOTE]
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Son threatened me emotionally and I"m so tired. Did I do the right thing?
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