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Son threatened me emotionally and I"m so tired. Did I do the right thing?
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 300926" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>MWM, </p><p> </p><p>I've been reading and watching from afar. I did have a mother in law that was horrid. I would have loved to have had a mother in law like you. If there had been () much of a chance for dialogue of civility I would have and did jump on it - but every time I did? I was the one who got it in spades. When she was run over by her own van by her own child and the entire family lied about it to the police? I felt it was a fitting death -they all did what she preached to everyone for years - Do not involve the police, be a clan, and no sense in putting someone in jail "after the deed." - Usually the deed was my broken bones. So I can understand the ambivelance with you and your sons wife. I also completely understand that when there are get togethers how you will behave - nice until. Wanted you to understand that I understand your position. </p><p> </p><p>As far as your email back to your son? I think it was very good. I think you let him know where you stand. I think he overstepped his bounds about the crack regarding your other son and obviously he knows that it hurts your terribly, so he used that. I say shame on him. Sounds like you accept your other sons shortcomings a little better than I would have. I think it was a cruel remark considering how much you love son #1. Eventually I would tell him an apology is due. You've already covered the "not say it again part" by telling him - 'do what you want - you'll loose a Mom did you think about that?" (That was brilliant) </p><p> </p><p>But....because I've been there with trying to figure out the inlaws not liking me thing and I know you have a heart 10 times too big for your chest...between the lines and maybe I'm wrong - but there WERE enough lines about J to make me think - she's done a little more than hurt the surface. I think it's bad enough when we have to detach from our kids, but them to have to deatch from their spouses for (what I read) stupit, stupit reasons? Ugh. And why not drag George into this. She's an immature hag. Call 'em like I see em. I wish she really HAD an awful mother in law so she would appreciate a good one like you - and MAYBE that's what it will take for her to figure it out. </p><p> </p><p>My DF has a niece who was married to a nice guy - he was Korean. Her mother in law was really a nice lady. We like/liked her a lot but they didn't get along <strong><em><u>at all.</u></em></strong> Well they divorced and never really spoke and she went and married this dude from India/Pakistan. His Mother is awful. OMG controlling, belittling, she can't do ANYTHING right. Nothing. THey have 2 kids together and this woman wears her out. Constantly correcting, criticizing. Has nothing to do with the heritage - but she would constantly bring it up and slur her. We corrected her about it all the time. Well one day she's on her exactly 40 minutes at the grocery (and was timed by hubby with a stop watch) and bumped into xmil at the store and began to chat...and chat, and cry and chat...and then met for coffee, and chat. Then started to go to her house and chat - (mostly about how awful the new mother in law is) and they became best friends unbeknown to the new hubby. </p><p>Oddly and weirdly enough - she left the 2nd hubby - and is single now - but her BFF? Her 1st mother in law. It just MAY come around someday to J that she seeks you out for advice - there was a lot of healing between the niece and mother in law #1. Mostly misunderstood things - (ready for this?) on the part of the Niece....lol. </p><p> </p><p>I don't think your task is easy. I wish you well with your son but I think I'll send you a couple batteries to recharge you and a hug and a smile. </p><p> </p><p>Sending SUPER mother in law POWERS of overcoming the idiot daughter in law....weed. lol </p><p> </p><p>Hugs </p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 300926, member: 4964"] MWM, I've been reading and watching from afar. I did have a mother in law that was horrid. I would have loved to have had a mother in law like you. If there had been () much of a chance for dialogue of civility I would have and did jump on it - but every time I did? I was the one who got it in spades. When she was run over by her own van by her own child and the entire family lied about it to the police? I felt it was a fitting death -they all did what she preached to everyone for years - Do not involve the police, be a clan, and no sense in putting someone in jail "after the deed." - Usually the deed was my broken bones. So I can understand the ambivelance with you and your sons wife. I also completely understand that when there are get togethers how you will behave - nice until. Wanted you to understand that I understand your position. As far as your email back to your son? I think it was very good. I think you let him know where you stand. I think he overstepped his bounds about the crack regarding your other son and obviously he knows that it hurts your terribly, so he used that. I say shame on him. Sounds like you accept your other sons shortcomings a little better than I would have. I think it was a cruel remark considering how much you love son #1. Eventually I would tell him an apology is due. You've already covered the "not say it again part" by telling him - 'do what you want - you'll loose a Mom did you think about that?" (That was brilliant) But....because I've been there with trying to figure out the inlaws not liking me thing and I know you have a heart 10 times too big for your chest...between the lines and maybe I'm wrong - but there WERE enough lines about J to make me think - she's done a little more than hurt the surface. I think it's bad enough when we have to detach from our kids, but them to have to deatch from their spouses for (what I read) stupit, stupit reasons? Ugh. And why not drag George into this. She's an immature hag. Call 'em like I see em. I wish she really HAD an awful mother in law so she would appreciate a good one like you - and MAYBE that's what it will take for her to figure it out. My DF has a niece who was married to a nice guy - he was Korean. Her mother in law was really a nice lady. We like/liked her a lot but they didn't get along [B][I][U]at all.[/U][/I][/B] Well they divorced and never really spoke and she went and married this dude from India/Pakistan. His Mother is awful. OMG controlling, belittling, she can't do ANYTHING right. Nothing. THey have 2 kids together and this woman wears her out. Constantly correcting, criticizing. Has nothing to do with the heritage - but she would constantly bring it up and slur her. We corrected her about it all the time. Well one day she's on her exactly 40 minutes at the grocery (and was timed by hubby with a stop watch) and bumped into xmil at the store and began to chat...and chat, and cry and chat...and then met for coffee, and chat. Then started to go to her house and chat - (mostly about how awful the new mother in law is) and they became best friends unbeknown to the new hubby. Oddly and weirdly enough - she left the 2nd hubby - and is single now - but her BFF? Her 1st mother in law. It just MAY come around someday to J that she seeks you out for advice - there was a lot of healing between the niece and mother in law #1. Mostly misunderstood things - (ready for this?) on the part of the Niece....lol. I don't think your task is easy. I wish you well with your son but I think I'll send you a couple batteries to recharge you and a hug and a smile. Sending SUPER mother in law POWERS of overcoming the idiot daughter in law....weed. lol Hugs Star [/QUOTE]
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Son threatened me emotionally and I"m so tired. Did I do the right thing?
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