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Son threatened me emotionally and I"m so tired. Did I do the right thing?
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 302972" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Oh, Sweetie, you have NOTHING to feel guilty for. NO. THING.</p><p></p><p>You have always done your best for each of your children. You love them fiercely. You worked hard to support them in every possible way. When they had a problem you worked WITH them to resolve it. You let them learn from their mistakes when it was appropriate. When a problem was too big, you and husband stepped in to help.</p><p></p><p>You constantly worked to learn to be a better parent and to actually DO the things you learned about. There was never a problem you didn't research and ask questions about so you could provide the most appropriate help for the situation and the child.</p><p></p><p>Let yourself down off that cross of guilt and take yourself out for a big ole piece of chocolate cake or cheesecake or fried twinkies or whatever your ultimate all time favorite treat is!!</p><p></p><p>At 31 your son should be solving these problems himself. Don't cripple him by fixing it for him. Do NOT let his problems bring you down. It hurts to have access to your grandchild restricted. Until your son steps up and insists you be included in your grandchild's life I would limit the amount of emotional support he gets. </p><p></p><p>do to get. It works for every stage of life. YOU have done. and done. and done. </p><p></p><p>Now it is time for HIM to do and that means for him to step up and insist that George has 2 parents and 2 sets of grandparents and extended family. Anything less is childish behavior on his part. And is cruel to you. </p><p></p><p>As a grandparent you DO have rights. What would daughter in law do if you just "popped by" with a coffeecake or casserole or whatever "because it is hard working all day" and you want to "give daughter in law and son a nice relaxing evening"? Would daughter in law shut the door in your face? Or scream at you or do something else that is horrible?</p><p></p><p>Or would she be put on the spot and let you in (esp if your son was home) and be at least human to you. She won't really LIKE it, but it would be a positive step to at least show outsiders (like the court) that you are a supportive caring grandparent.</p><p></p><p>I HAVE done this to now ex-sister in law when she was sister in law. It took a long time but after a while she quit being such a pill. </p><p></p><p>daughter in law may rant and scream at you, or at son after you leave. Make SURE you have a digital recorder in your shirt pocket where it will pick up her tantrum. If you can document her "losing it" it might be another stone in the wall proving that she should not have custody, at least not full physical placement. </p><p></p><p>I would NOT warn son ahead of time. Or tell him about the recording ever. If he knows he will tell daughter in law about it to show his loyalty to her.</p><p></p><p>I would not at ALL be surprised if daughter in law files for divorce to go live in an apt or house with her sister. Esp if she knows that son will be able to get help with the mortgage. She may think it would be somehow "fun" to be able to live with her sister and the two kids with no interference from son or his family. Tapes of her ranting and raving at son and George might well show her mental instability enough to help get joint custody or full custody for your son.</p><p></p><p>Whatever happens - YOU have NOTHING to feel guilty about. It is time to make sure son takes responsibility for his life. NOT to fix it for him.</p><p></p><p>Enjoy as much of a peaceful golden years as you can. LAvish your time and affection on the youngest kids. It will help ensure they make healthy choices about spouses and that they bludgeon their bro into behaving properly!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 302972, member: 1233"] Oh, Sweetie, you have NOTHING to feel guilty for. NO. THING. You have always done your best for each of your children. You love them fiercely. You worked hard to support them in every possible way. When they had a problem you worked WITH them to resolve it. You let them learn from their mistakes when it was appropriate. When a problem was too big, you and husband stepped in to help. You constantly worked to learn to be a better parent and to actually DO the things you learned about. There was never a problem you didn't research and ask questions about so you could provide the most appropriate help for the situation and the child. Let yourself down off that cross of guilt and take yourself out for a big ole piece of chocolate cake or cheesecake or fried twinkies or whatever your ultimate all time favorite treat is!! At 31 your son should be solving these problems himself. Don't cripple him by fixing it for him. Do NOT let his problems bring you down. It hurts to have access to your grandchild restricted. Until your son steps up and insists you be included in your grandchild's life I would limit the amount of emotional support he gets. do to get. It works for every stage of life. YOU have done. and done. and done. Now it is time for HIM to do and that means for him to step up and insist that George has 2 parents and 2 sets of grandparents and extended family. Anything less is childish behavior on his part. And is cruel to you. As a grandparent you DO have rights. What would daughter in law do if you just "popped by" with a coffeecake or casserole or whatever "because it is hard working all day" and you want to "give daughter in law and son a nice relaxing evening"? Would daughter in law shut the door in your face? Or scream at you or do something else that is horrible? Or would she be put on the spot and let you in (esp if your son was home) and be at least human to you. She won't really LIKE it, but it would be a positive step to at least show outsiders (like the court) that you are a supportive caring grandparent. I HAVE done this to now ex-sister in law when she was sister in law. It took a long time but after a while she quit being such a pill. daughter in law may rant and scream at you, or at son after you leave. Make SURE you have a digital recorder in your shirt pocket where it will pick up her tantrum. If you can document her "losing it" it might be another stone in the wall proving that she should not have custody, at least not full physical placement. I would NOT warn son ahead of time. Or tell him about the recording ever. If he knows he will tell daughter in law about it to show his loyalty to her. I would not at ALL be surprised if daughter in law files for divorce to go live in an apt or house with her sister. Esp if she knows that son will be able to get help with the mortgage. She may think it would be somehow "fun" to be able to live with her sister and the two kids with no interference from son or his family. Tapes of her ranting and raving at son and George might well show her mental instability enough to help get joint custody or full custody for your son. Whatever happens - YOU have NOTHING to feel guilty about. It is time to make sure son takes responsibility for his life. NOT to fix it for him. Enjoy as much of a peaceful golden years as you can. LAvish your time and affection on the youngest kids. It will help ensure they make healthy choices about spouses and that they bludgeon their bro into behaving properly! [/QUOTE]
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Son threatened me emotionally and I"m so tired. Did I do the right thing?
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