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Son wants to move to Canada
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 762103" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>When my son was 18 (he's 33 now) he saved his money from a Christmas job to go visit a girl he knew from when we lived in Brazil. It was a disaster. He got thrown out of her family house within a couple days, somehow lost all his money and was homeless on the beach. Until the day of his return ticket he slept in my friend's dance academy and my friend bought him food. He was able to travel easily because we had visas for that country. </p><p></p><p>Personally, I don't think it's that hard to cross the border into Canada, as a tourist. I don't think many of our adult children (here) think that fully about more than the present moment. It's one day at a time. I think there is something to be said for that point of view. I think the only way to tolerate what we have to is to stay in the present, and not worry about what hasn't yet happened. </p><p></p><p>What I am saying here is that it is likely this will blow up quickly, even if he finds a way to cross the border. What he will be doing is calling you for a ticket home, and money to buy food, if his experience is anything like my son's. SSI will allow 2 weeks out of the country before there is any impact on his payments, as far as I know.</p><p></p><p>My son's heart was not broken, but I always feared he was somehow abused when he slept on the beach. He denies it.</p><p></p><p>The thing is, what can you do? What could I have done? These are adult people free to make their own mistakes. If your son had a payee, there would be some control. Does he? My son was not on SSI at the time, and was functioning normally. </p><p></p><p>I think the whole issue here is boundaries. Our boundaries. The acceptance that we can't protect them, we can't steer them the right way, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. We fear that the messes they make with their lives are our messes. Messes for us, to clean up, when this is not the case. I empathize totally but I don't know what you can do to stop him.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 762103, member: 18958"] When my son was 18 (he's 33 now) he saved his money from a Christmas job to go visit a girl he knew from when we lived in Brazil. It was a disaster. He got thrown out of her family house within a couple days, somehow lost all his money and was homeless on the beach. Until the day of his return ticket he slept in my friend's dance academy and my friend bought him food. He was able to travel easily because we had visas for that country. Personally, I don't think it's that hard to cross the border into Canada, as a tourist. I don't think many of our adult children (here) think that fully about more than the present moment. It's one day at a time. I think there is something to be said for that point of view. I think the only way to tolerate what we have to is to stay in the present, and not worry about what hasn't yet happened. What I am saying here is that it is likely this will blow up quickly, even if he finds a way to cross the border. What he will be doing is calling you for a ticket home, and money to buy food, if his experience is anything like my son's. SSI will allow 2 weeks out of the country before there is any impact on his payments, as far as I know. My son's heart was not broken, but I always feared he was somehow abused when he slept on the beach. He denies it. The thing is, what can you do? What could I have done? These are adult people free to make their own mistakes. If your son had a payee, there would be some control. Does he? My son was not on SSI at the time, and was functioning normally. I think the whole issue here is boundaries. Our boundaries. The acceptance that we can't protect them, we can't steer them the right way, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. We fear that the messes they make with their lives are our messes. Messes for us, to clean up, when this is not the case. I empathize totally but I don't know what you can do to stop him. [/QUOTE]
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