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Son with ADHD/ODD need to talk
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 216929" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>What the book helped me to understand, was that while our kids can talk through what they should do when they're calm, their poor impulse control generally means that they can't put the strategies into operation when they get stirred up. What a person can't control, or can't change, shouldn't be punished. If punishment isn't going to result in improved behaviour next time, there is no point to it. Punishment should never be about revenge but often it can become so.</p><p></p><p>I don't believe that a lot of our kids really DO deliberately behave badly as a matter of choice. Maybe a small number do, but most simply lash out when afraid, angry or frustrated. </p><p></p><p>The disrespect - sometimes we put too high a premium on something we think is respect, when it's often something else entirely. We need to hear the difference between a panicked child and a cheeky one. We also need to apply the exact same standards to ourselves, and I've found that strict disciplinarians tend to not do this - they insist on the child acknowledging the superior position of adults over children and in my experience this is one of the hardest things for a Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) child, for example, to 'get'. </p><p></p><p>I hope you find enlightenment in the book. I certainly did.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 216929, member: 1991"] What the book helped me to understand, was that while our kids can talk through what they should do when they're calm, their poor impulse control generally means that they can't put the strategies into operation when they get stirred up. What a person can't control, or can't change, shouldn't be punished. If punishment isn't going to result in improved behaviour next time, there is no point to it. Punishment should never be about revenge but often it can become so. I don't believe that a lot of our kids really DO deliberately behave badly as a matter of choice. Maybe a small number do, but most simply lash out when afraid, angry or frustrated. The disrespect - sometimes we put too high a premium on something we think is respect, when it's often something else entirely. We need to hear the difference between a panicked child and a cheeky one. We also need to apply the exact same standards to ourselves, and I've found that strict disciplinarians tend to not do this - they insist on the child acknowledging the superior position of adults over children and in my experience this is one of the hardest things for a Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) child, for example, to 'get'. I hope you find enlightenment in the book. I certainly did. Marg [/QUOTE]
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