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Substance Abuse
Son wrecked car and got DUI
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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 663778" data-attributes="member: 15801"><p>I agree with what others have said. My first thought was opiates because of the nodding off.....heroin is a very serious problem these days in middleclass communities. I am not saying it is that but I would not rule it out either. So yes you need to get a handle on what the drugs are and I would ask him to sign a release so you can talk tot he hospital. If he won't then that tells you something too.</p><p></p><p>The DUI is a criminal offense so is more than just a ticket correct? So as awful as it is to have your kid involved in the criminal justice system it can be a good thing because they can push the issue of him getting help. So work that system. He will tell you what you want to hear so I would not believe a word he says about his drug use or lack of it. Definitely do not help him with a lawyer unless he is willing to give you full disclosure of the facts!! Many here will tell you not to help with a lawyer and that might be the best least enabling thing to do..... but it can be hard not to given that people fare better in our justice system if they have a decent lawyer. But in any event I would not help him unless you are getting good clear information.</p><p></p><p>My experience with the legal system and my son was that in some ways it took the pressure off me, because the legal system had consequences and that was a good thing. He is going to try to convince you the charges are wrong but dont buy into that.</p><p></p><p>As far as the suicide thing. That is tough. I have been there also... and my son has gotten seriously suicidal a couple of times and has done some major cutting type behavior. So a couple of times when my son has said he was suicidal I have taken him to the hospital and had him hospitalized. Now in my sons case I think it was more than manipulation, he was suicidal and he went to the hospital willingly because I think he was scaring himself. I think Copa is right though, if he is threatening suicide you cant ignore it, that is a time to take action and to call 911 or some crisis team to evaluate him. If he is suicidal he should go to the hospital, if he is just trying to manipulate you then it will become clear to him that is not going to work. It is terrifying when you worry about your kid committing suicide. Bottom line is he needs to know that if he is in trouble you will help him get help. But he cant use it just to get you to do what he wants.</p><p></p><p>As far as the phone. I hear you on that one. We have always helped my son have a phone. Others do not make that choice. For me it was important to me that he be able to contact us and for me to be able to contact him. My son spent some time homeless and lost his phone for a while. That was the worst time for me when I didnt know where he was and he didnt have a phone. So for my own peace of mind I like him to have a phone.</p><p></p><p>Do go to alanon or some other parents support group.... you need support for you as this is a horrible journey and it is important you dont go through it alone. It may feel impossible, but it is possible to live and enjoy your life even when your son is a drug addict.</p><p></p><p>TL</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 663778, member: 15801"] I agree with what others have said. My first thought was opiates because of the nodding off.....heroin is a very serious problem these days in middleclass communities. I am not saying it is that but I would not rule it out either. So yes you need to get a handle on what the drugs are and I would ask him to sign a release so you can talk tot he hospital. If he won't then that tells you something too. The DUI is a criminal offense so is more than just a ticket correct? So as awful as it is to have your kid involved in the criminal justice system it can be a good thing because they can push the issue of him getting help. So work that system. He will tell you what you want to hear so I would not believe a word he says about his drug use or lack of it. Definitely do not help him with a lawyer unless he is willing to give you full disclosure of the facts!! Many here will tell you not to help with a lawyer and that might be the best least enabling thing to do..... but it can be hard not to given that people fare better in our justice system if they have a decent lawyer. But in any event I would not help him unless you are getting good clear information. My experience with the legal system and my son was that in some ways it took the pressure off me, because the legal system had consequences and that was a good thing. He is going to try to convince you the charges are wrong but dont buy into that. As far as the suicide thing. That is tough. I have been there also... and my son has gotten seriously suicidal a couple of times and has done some major cutting type behavior. So a couple of times when my son has said he was suicidal I have taken him to the hospital and had him hospitalized. Now in my sons case I think it was more than manipulation, he was suicidal and he went to the hospital willingly because I think he was scaring himself. I think Copa is right though, if he is threatening suicide you cant ignore it, that is a time to take action and to call 911 or some crisis team to evaluate him. If he is suicidal he should go to the hospital, if he is just trying to manipulate you then it will become clear to him that is not going to work. It is terrifying when you worry about your kid committing suicide. Bottom line is he needs to know that if he is in trouble you will help him get help. But he cant use it just to get you to do what he wants. As far as the phone. I hear you on that one. We have always helped my son have a phone. Others do not make that choice. For me it was important to me that he be able to contact us and for me to be able to contact him. My son spent some time homeless and lost his phone for a while. That was the worst time for me when I didnt know where he was and he didnt have a phone. So for my own peace of mind I like him to have a phone. Do go to alanon or some other parents support group.... you need support for you as this is a horrible journey and it is important you dont go through it alone. It may feel impossible, but it is possible to live and enjoy your life even when your son is a drug addict. TL [/QUOTE]
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Son wrecked car and got DUI
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