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Son's dad still does not believe autism diagnosis
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<blockquote data-quote="Mattsmom277" data-source="post: 558731" data-attributes="member: 4264"><p>What a sad situation. And unfortunately all too common. I'm sorry for both Of your children. Your son would for sure benefit from his dad being on the same page and therefore helping rather than hindering. Your daughter absolutely cannot be hearing those cruel statements from</p><p>Her father. Period. End stop. Both children need to be taken for who and what they are. Supported through their difficulties in order to make the best of them, and praised for their accomplishments and strong points in order to see themselves as more than the sum total of their personal struggles. </p><p></p><p>I know there are many parents, siblings, aunts and uncles and grands who dont want to "get it". In my opinion though, when a parent behaves as your ex is to your two children? The damage is too far and long reaching for you to allow it to continue. </p><p></p><p>I believe like the others, that you cannot make your ex get it. I also know that your ex threatens you regarding custody, abuses your goodness via child support, and controls you through fear. </p><p></p><p>So let's see. He neglects one child's serious mental health needs. He abuses his other child's emotional health in serious ways. He threatens and controls you as an ex, via your kids and threats of family court. </p><p></p><p>First , I'm glad as heck that he is an ex! It must have been hades to be involved with a man like this. Sadly, we don't get to undo their contribution to the creation of our children (I sure have wished I could do do so myself!). </p><p></p><p>Second, I highly advise you speak to a family law attorney about your options. Money being a huge issue for most working single parents, I advise seeking a affordable option for legal help in your area. I don't know what is available to you, I live in a different country with different programs for legal help. I encourage you to seek out what is available to you there. </p><p></p><p>I hope you understand that I do not at all take your fears lightly about your ex's threats. I full well, from too many (7!) experiences of long family court processes, know that black cloud of threat over your head. I also however know that they want us afraid. They want us to take all of their criticisms and all of their attacks on us as somehow evidence that can ruin us and our family in a court. Well of course they want us in that position! Control and power play is a strong motivator for them. The thing is, what your ex threatens is not going to happen. This man would not win custody! And your children are well provided for in all areas. Your personal struggles and any past mistakes are part of life. And apply in various ways To most of us in some fashion. The key is not viewing your role as parent through his off kilter glasses! He wants to paint you one way and he is darn good at making you so fear ridden you buy into the fear he wishes to trap you into. I say to you, with total understanding of been there done that, view yourself through realistic glasses!!!! A family law attorney can help you see this about yourself. </p><p></p><p>Then, be preemptive. File against him for a family court hearing. It is time that this man be taught to treat his children's needs as valid and to stop his form of abuse. And make no doubt about it, his behavior is abuse. And your children deserve and need protection from that. Sad to say regarding their own father. But trust me? I just spent 7 months, again, in court over my easy child with the same type of control freak and the same fear mongerer. And I'd do it again tomorrow if need be. Because recently I learned just how serious the damage is to our kids and how desperately they need protection. My daughter doesn't even have the problems of a difficult child, and she has environment induced mental health problems because of the control and abuse of her emotional health. I'm talking anxiety attacks of severe form, self worth and value issues, self loathing, serious depression and suicidal ideation. That's a easy child. Imagine if she was a difficult child to boot? </p><p></p><p>I also want to say, my pcs dad also took his visitation, paid some type of support. But it didn't make him some bloody hero at all. I allowed myself to use those traits as</p><p>Reason to convince myself I would suck up his control and fear mongering because I could take it for the team so to speak. Well guess what? I was so wrong. It made things so much worse for my child. Her suffering is immense. And she needed more from me. Hindsight is 20 20 they say. Well I wanted to share mine with you because I truly do feel for your situation so closely. I truly believe that you need to stop trying to make this difficult child ex into something he isn't. Won't work anyhow. It never does. That energy really must go into eliminating the harm his difficult child side does to your children. I truly believe family court is your personal supporter and helper, and not the place to fear as your x would have you believe. </p><p></p><p>You and both of your kids need a long term solution to end your ex's effects on your lives. I know that court may affect their visitation with him. And I Know you need breaks and down time as much as anyone does. I get it. It however can't be a solution for those breaks to come at the expense of this type of psychological warfare from your ex. You may wish to put up for your own reasons. Unfortunately your kids need you to make sure they don't have to. What a bind huh? Please don't take that statement as a lack of understanding for your position. I truly do get it. I also know what is ahead for you and your children first hand as your ex gets away with this behavior. And the work ahead on your part to help your kids as they get more messed up from this abuse from ex? Far more demanding than finding alternate paths to alone time. And worth conquering the fear that ex keeps you trapped in when he continuously threatens custody applications against you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Mattsmom277, post: 558731, member: 4264"] What a sad situation. And unfortunately all too common. I'm sorry for both Of your children. Your son would for sure benefit from his dad being on the same page and therefore helping rather than hindering. Your daughter absolutely cannot be hearing those cruel statements from Her father. Period. End stop. Both children need to be taken for who and what they are. Supported through their difficulties in order to make the best of them, and praised for their accomplishments and strong points in order to see themselves as more than the sum total of their personal struggles. I know there are many parents, siblings, aunts and uncles and grands who dont want to "get it". In my opinion though, when a parent behaves as your ex is to your two children? The damage is too far and long reaching for you to allow it to continue. I believe like the others, that you cannot make your ex get it. I also know that your ex threatens you regarding custody, abuses your goodness via child support, and controls you through fear. So let's see. He neglects one child's serious mental health needs. He abuses his other child's emotional health in serious ways. He threatens and controls you as an ex, via your kids and threats of family court. First , I'm glad as heck that he is an ex! It must have been hades to be involved with a man like this. Sadly, we don't get to undo their contribution to the creation of our children (I sure have wished I could do do so myself!). Second, I highly advise you speak to a family law attorney about your options. Money being a huge issue for most working single parents, I advise seeking a affordable option for legal help in your area. I don't know what is available to you, I live in a different country with different programs for legal help. I encourage you to seek out what is available to you there. I hope you understand that I do not at all take your fears lightly about your ex's threats. I full well, from too many (7!) experiences of long family court processes, know that black cloud of threat over your head. I also however know that they want us afraid. They want us to take all of their criticisms and all of their attacks on us as somehow evidence that can ruin us and our family in a court. Well of course they want us in that position! Control and power play is a strong motivator for them. The thing is, what your ex threatens is not going to happen. This man would not win custody! And your children are well provided for in all areas. Your personal struggles and any past mistakes are part of life. And apply in various ways To most of us in some fashion. The key is not viewing your role as parent through his off kilter glasses! He wants to paint you one way and he is darn good at making you so fear ridden you buy into the fear he wishes to trap you into. I say to you, with total understanding of been there done that, view yourself through realistic glasses!!!! A family law attorney can help you see this about yourself. Then, be preemptive. File against him for a family court hearing. It is time that this man be taught to treat his children's needs as valid and to stop his form of abuse. And make no doubt about it, his behavior is abuse. And your children deserve and need protection from that. Sad to say regarding their own father. But trust me? I just spent 7 months, again, in court over my easy child with the same type of control freak and the same fear mongerer. And I'd do it again tomorrow if need be. Because recently I learned just how serious the damage is to our kids and how desperately they need protection. My daughter doesn't even have the problems of a difficult child, and she has environment induced mental health problems because of the control and abuse of her emotional health. I'm talking anxiety attacks of severe form, self worth and value issues, self loathing, serious depression and suicidal ideation. That's a easy child. Imagine if she was a difficult child to boot? I also want to say, my pcs dad also took his visitation, paid some type of support. But it didn't make him some bloody hero at all. I allowed myself to use those traits as Reason to convince myself I would suck up his control and fear mongering because I could take it for the team so to speak. Well guess what? I was so wrong. It made things so much worse for my child. Her suffering is immense. And she needed more from me. Hindsight is 20 20 they say. Well I wanted to share mine with you because I truly do feel for your situation so closely. I truly believe that you need to stop trying to make this difficult child ex into something he isn't. Won't work anyhow. It never does. That energy really must go into eliminating the harm his difficult child side does to your children. I truly believe family court is your personal supporter and helper, and not the place to fear as your x would have you believe. You and both of your kids need a long term solution to end your ex's effects on your lives. I know that court may affect their visitation with him. And I Know you need breaks and down time as much as anyone does. I get it. It however can't be a solution for those breaks to come at the expense of this type of psychological warfare from your ex. You may wish to put up for your own reasons. Unfortunately your kids need you to make sure they don't have to. What a bind huh? Please don't take that statement as a lack of understanding for your position. I truly do get it. I also know what is ahead for you and your children first hand as your ex gets away with this behavior. And the work ahead on your part to help your kids as they get more messed up from this abuse from ex? Far more demanding than finding alternate paths to alone time. And worth conquering the fear that ex keeps you trapped in when he continuously threatens custody applications against you. [/QUOTE]
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