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General Parenting
Sons violence is getting out of hand
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 751078" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Thank you very much for the information about his birth and early issues. As you post here you will begin (or continue, if you have already started) to begin a comprehensive record OF EVERY SINGLE event and aspect of his history that may have a bearing on what's happening and what can address it. Qualified professionals will need all of this information and all of it is pertinent. I would NOT deal with anybody who thinks they know anything without taking all of it into consideration.This is NOT heartbreaking. It is reality. Almost all of us here have a problem with reality. We can't believe what we are dealing with these sad and horrible things and DON'T want to face it. (I am the shining star of DENIAL). We have to. What you did was a brave, loving thing. To help your son to manage himself. Every single thing you do to help him contain himself is a good thing. I applaud you.</p><p></p><p>Another resource is a behavioral analysis where a professional trained in behavior modification comes into the home and looks at what's going on and helps train you to handle it. This is not a diagnosis or a solution, but it is a support. Because it's not in your or his interest that he act out in a way that you can't control or manage. Especially his hurting or aggressing against you either physically or verbally. I have never sought this out, a behavior analysis, and I am not sure I would. But some people do.</p><p></p><p>I am glad you are here with us. We love that you are here, and we hope so very much that you stay. The mothers here are a great support and resource. We come from all over the world and almost all of us have been in your shoes (or still are.)</p><p></p><p>How great that your mother in law is such a support.</p><p></p><p>Honestly. As far as a diagnosis, I don't think you have enough information yet. There are lots of other things that could or could not be besides the spectrum. What seems to me to be clear is there is some sort of internal distress he is feeling. I would try to not get attached to one single idea, until you have a panoply of information, including from a child neurologist, child neuropsychologist, possibly from people like Ray Castellino (maybe there are people in Australia, who knows?), ruling out sensory processing issues, speech, language and hearing evaluation, all of it. If you have the resources, I would do it.</p><p></p><p>But don't forget YOU. For many of us there is not one single diagnosis that answers the questions, and this becomes a lifestyle ongoing. And it becomes the thing that challenges us to grow as people. Many of us turn to spirituality and other things, as a consequence. We change as people too. And this is not necessarily a bad thing. But hard, yes, it is.</p><p></p><p>What about his play? Does he draw and paint? Is he interesting in sounds and music? Does he like to dance? Does he play outside? Do you have animals? Is he drawn to them? How is he with them? What kinds of play does he like? How is his language? How are his relationships with family members? What soothes him? Does he like physical activity? How does he behave away from home? Can he get along with other children his age? </p><p></p><p>Any activity he likes can be one part of the answer.</p><p></p><p>What are your plans about school?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 751078, member: 18958"] Thank you very much for the information about his birth and early issues. As you post here you will begin (or continue, if you have already started) to begin a comprehensive record OF EVERY SINGLE event and aspect of his history that may have a bearing on what's happening and what can address it. Qualified professionals will need all of this information and all of it is pertinent. I would NOT deal with anybody who thinks they know anything without taking all of it into consideration.This is NOT heartbreaking. It is reality. Almost all of us here have a problem with reality. We can't believe what we are dealing with these sad and horrible things and DON'T want to face it. (I am the shining star of DENIAL). We have to. What you did was a brave, loving thing. To help your son to manage himself. Every single thing you do to help him contain himself is a good thing. I applaud you. Another resource is a behavioral analysis where a professional trained in behavior modification comes into the home and looks at what's going on and helps train you to handle it. This is not a diagnosis or a solution, but it is a support. Because it's not in your or his interest that he act out in a way that you can't control or manage. Especially his hurting or aggressing against you either physically or verbally. I have never sought this out, a behavior analysis, and I am not sure I would. But some people do. I am glad you are here with us. We love that you are here, and we hope so very much that you stay. The mothers here are a great support and resource. We come from all over the world and almost all of us have been in your shoes (or still are.) How great that your mother in law is such a support. Honestly. As far as a diagnosis, I don't think you have enough information yet. There are lots of other things that could or could not be besides the spectrum. What seems to me to be clear is there is some sort of internal distress he is feeling. I would try to not get attached to one single idea, until you have a panoply of information, including from a child neurologist, child neuropsychologist, possibly from people like Ray Castellino (maybe there are people in Australia, who knows?), ruling out sensory processing issues, speech, language and hearing evaluation, all of it. If you have the resources, I would do it. But don't forget YOU. For many of us there is not one single diagnosis that answers the questions, and this becomes a lifestyle ongoing. And it becomes the thing that challenges us to grow as people. Many of us turn to spirituality and other things, as a consequence. We change as people too. And this is not necessarily a bad thing. But hard, yes, it is. What about his play? Does he draw and paint? Is he interesting in sounds and music? Does he like to dance? Does he play outside? Do you have animals? Is he drawn to them? How is he with them? What kinds of play does he like? How is his language? How are his relationships with family members? What soothes him? Does he like physical activity? How does he behave away from home? Can he get along with other children his age? Any activity he likes can be one part of the answer. What are your plans about school? [/QUOTE]
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