Barbara, I understand the grieving. I think all of us have grieved or are grieving or re-grieve the "what might have been" relationship we don't have with our kids.
It is the following thoughts that I was referring to earlier with the beating yourself up:
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">I feel like a cheap imitation of a mother, this morning.
It is hard not to fall into those kinds of "if I had been a better mother, this would not be happening" feelings; </div></div>
I say this with much affection, Barbara--- it has been my observation that you have continued to run these tapes over and over, like you are "stuck" in this negative self-talk for as long as I've known you. And I worry when one of my PE family members seems to be stuck. You mentioned the possibility of depression for yourself. Perhaps it is time to see a doctor and get evaluated?
Suz
