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Speeding ticket and then.....
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 710416" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I think there are good things here, and bad things. I think he was so angry that he had no idea what was coming out of his mouth. Have you ever recorded what he was saying and had him listen to it later. It is so ridiculous that if nothing else it will be good for a laugh when he is complaining about his own children doing these things. It also might, if he hears it while with a therapist and you, in a calm time, help him see why some of his statements upset you.</p><p></p><p>My brother says things while angry and has no memory of them. For decades he thought he should not be held accountable for them. He wasn't angry any longer, so they were over, done, gone. I think a lot of explosive people see their explosions this way. They don't understand that the rest of the world doesn't operate that way. Hopefully a therapist who deals with anger management can help with this.</p><p></p><p>I don't think that just hitting something is the best way to deal with anger. I think that hard physical labor is better. Doing something constructive, even if it is tearing something down, is better. If you have bushes that need to be trimmed, or an old push mower, or even a bathtub or floor to be scrubbed, that is a good way to deal with anger. Studies have shown that just hitting something when you are angry makes you more likely to explode and hit something in the future when you are angry. If you channel that energy into something productive, you gain control over it. I can't cite the studies right this moment, but I remember reading them back in college and then again when we were searching for anything that would help with Wiz. </p><p></p><p>I can say it worked with Wiz. We had a therapist who advocated the punching bag. All it did was make him hit more and more, and it wasn't confined to the bad. He hit everyone and everything. Then we started making him go do yardwork when he got angry. He trimmed bushes, he dug holes, he planted things, he mowed, he chopped limb, you name it. He stopped hitting and getting into trouble. He was too tired and he HATED yardwork. </p><p></p><p>I do think it is good that he calmed down, didn't harm anyone and is making plans to take care of his own ticket. He owes you an apology for ranting at you. What will he do to make up to you for ruining your afternoon with his explosion? I think you need to let him know that he upset you and he needs to do something extra special and nice for you to apologize. A bouquet of flowers or nice box of chocolate or whatever is special to you. My kids would bring me a book and a candy bar, but that is my preference, let him know what would be special and make him know he owes you. Don't let him slide - he upset you and that isn't cool. He is too old to throw toddler tantrums. That is what he is doing and it isn't right.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 710416, member: 1233"] I think there are good things here, and bad things. I think he was so angry that he had no idea what was coming out of his mouth. Have you ever recorded what he was saying and had him listen to it later. It is so ridiculous that if nothing else it will be good for a laugh when he is complaining about his own children doing these things. It also might, if he hears it while with a therapist and you, in a calm time, help him see why some of his statements upset you. My brother says things while angry and has no memory of them. For decades he thought he should not be held accountable for them. He wasn't angry any longer, so they were over, done, gone. I think a lot of explosive people see their explosions this way. They don't understand that the rest of the world doesn't operate that way. Hopefully a therapist who deals with anger management can help with this. I don't think that just hitting something is the best way to deal with anger. I think that hard physical labor is better. Doing something constructive, even if it is tearing something down, is better. If you have bushes that need to be trimmed, or an old push mower, or even a bathtub or floor to be scrubbed, that is a good way to deal with anger. Studies have shown that just hitting something when you are angry makes you more likely to explode and hit something in the future when you are angry. If you channel that energy into something productive, you gain control over it. I can't cite the studies right this moment, but I remember reading them back in college and then again when we were searching for anything that would help with Wiz. I can say it worked with Wiz. We had a therapist who advocated the punching bag. All it did was make him hit more and more, and it wasn't confined to the bad. He hit everyone and everything. Then we started making him go do yardwork when he got angry. He trimmed bushes, he dug holes, he planted things, he mowed, he chopped limb, you name it. He stopped hitting and getting into trouble. He was too tired and he HATED yardwork. I do think it is good that he calmed down, didn't harm anyone and is making plans to take care of his own ticket. He owes you an apology for ranting at you. What will he do to make up to you for ruining your afternoon with his explosion? I think you need to let him know that he upset you and he needs to do something extra special and nice for you to apologize. A bouquet of flowers or nice box of chocolate or whatever is special to you. My kids would bring me a book and a candy bar, but that is my preference, let him know what would be special and make him know he owes you. Don't let him slide - he upset you and that isn't cool. He is too old to throw toddler tantrums. That is what he is doing and it isn't right. [/QUOTE]
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Speeding ticket and then.....
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