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<blockquote data-quote="Nomad" data-source="post: 761569" data-attributes="member: 4152"><p>Both you and Copa are correct. I dont think daughter can help much of what she does. There seems to be something akin to brain damage. AND something akin to Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) as well. WTH? She has been to MANY doctors and I got a masters degree in a related field and WTH?????? Hello? Nobody suggested these things.</p><p></p><p>She was diagnosed as bipolar and ADHD in elementary school. Her therapist told us she has fairly good attachment. I was led to believe with medication and therapy bipolar could be treated.</p><p></p><p>Only in recent years did I realize that she wasn’t “being treated…” I have met folks with bipolar disorder over the years and many with help, can function well. Here she was getting soooo sooo much help but wasn’t doing well in the least. And she has a fairly high IQ.</p><p></p><p>And the last few years were stranger than ever. I think she hid a lot from us. And she was very nice to my husband and she took advantage of him like some sort of criminal.</p><p></p><p>I do believe there is a part of her that is for lack of a better word, entitled. A part not really trying. Maybe I should not concentrate on this small part…when we have mental illness and brain damage in the mix. I don't know.</p><p></p><p>Since this fiasco, we have seen a few times a therapist on line that we saw now and again in our former city who helped hubby and I keep it together.</p><p></p><p>One day, I somewhat embarrassingly almost turned on her. Therapists in general. Holy cow! Not appropriate. But, I feel let down. The real truth is she was the only therapist somewhat honest…</p><p></p><p>I don’t want to ever make anyone a scapegoat. Let’s start with therapists.</p><p></p><p>One day we thought we would go to family therapy with this same woman. I’m not sure she remembers it. I think so. It was eons ago. Son was 16 or 17. Normally he would recoil at such a thing at his age. He was up and ready to go. Couldn’t wait. He wanted help. But difficult daughter was angry and didn’t want to go. She didn’t want to talk about anything. We got there. And therapist asked daughter a question, she jumped up said something crappy and ran out the door into the streets. She was about 14. We guessed where she went as she knew someone in the general area. Therapist mumbled something about not being sure she could be saved. But never mentioned anything like that again.</p><p></p><p>Flash forward… as I was talking in these recent times …I felt my anger building up and out of my mouth i blurted something unkind about therapists not telling me the truth. I saw her recoil. Other than her mumble…years ago…and one other thing from a neuro…I’ll explain in a moment…that was the only truth I heard. BUT…bottom line it’s my fault , my responsibility for not seeing reality not hers.</p><p></p><p>The other thing…when she was 3 or 4, I took her to a neurologist. He implied she should be institutionalized because no marriage could survive this. He had no diagnosis. He said if this was adhd, it was by far the worst one he ever saw. He had no hope fir her future. I thought he was a bit nuts himself. NO he WAsN’T!</p><p></p><p>Thirty years later…the big mike drop. One tiny hint from the therapist (the mumble) and one huge one from the neurologist. But there were many other professionals and who saw her for relatively long periods of time. No one implied that this was not going to get better EVER or this was beyond bipolar.</p><p></p><p>Not accepting what is right in front of you is a bad idea. Did I think I was superwoman? Or a G-d? That I could get her to a better place if I just worked harder? How much sacrifice? It all? My husband and son? Future generations? What the hell was I doing?</p><p></p><p>Yes…acceptance came late to me too. Even though I have twinges of being mad at G-d, that has dissipated. Can you scapegoats G-d? Wow dumb. I accept the reality. I’m so grateful for all of you and do even wonder if you were sent to me for help. Thank you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nomad, post: 761569, member: 4152"] Both you and Copa are correct. I dont think daughter can help much of what she does. There seems to be something akin to brain damage. AND something akin to Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) as well. WTH? She has been to MANY doctors and I got a masters degree in a related field and WTH?????? Hello? Nobody suggested these things. She was diagnosed as bipolar and ADHD in elementary school. Her therapist told us she has fairly good attachment. I was led to believe with medication and therapy bipolar could be treated. Only in recent years did I realize that she wasn’t “being treated…” I have met folks with bipolar disorder over the years and many with help, can function well. Here she was getting soooo sooo much help but wasn’t doing well in the least. And she has a fairly high IQ. And the last few years were stranger than ever. I think she hid a lot from us. And she was very nice to my husband and she took advantage of him like some sort of criminal. I do believe there is a part of her that is for lack of a better word, entitled. A part not really trying. Maybe I should not concentrate on this small part…when we have mental illness and brain damage in the mix. I don't know. Since this fiasco, we have seen a few times a therapist on line that we saw now and again in our former city who helped hubby and I keep it together. One day, I somewhat embarrassingly almost turned on her. Therapists in general. Holy cow! Not appropriate. But, I feel let down. The real truth is she was the only therapist somewhat honest… I don’t want to ever make anyone a scapegoat. Let’s start with therapists. One day we thought we would go to family therapy with this same woman. I’m not sure she remembers it. I think so. It was eons ago. Son was 16 or 17. Normally he would recoil at such a thing at his age. He was up and ready to go. Couldn’t wait. He wanted help. But difficult daughter was angry and didn’t want to go. She didn’t want to talk about anything. We got there. And therapist asked daughter a question, she jumped up said something crappy and ran out the door into the streets. She was about 14. We guessed where she went as she knew someone in the general area. Therapist mumbled something about not being sure she could be saved. But never mentioned anything like that again. Flash forward… as I was talking in these recent times …I felt my anger building up and out of my mouth i blurted something unkind about therapists not telling me the truth. I saw her recoil. Other than her mumble…years ago…and one other thing from a neuro…I’ll explain in a moment…that was the only truth I heard. BUT…bottom line it’s my fault , my responsibility for not seeing reality not hers. The other thing…when she was 3 or 4, I took her to a neurologist. He implied she should be institutionalized because no marriage could survive this. He had no diagnosis. He said if this was adhd, it was by far the worst one he ever saw. He had no hope fir her future. I thought he was a bit nuts himself. NO he WAsN’T! Thirty years later…the big mike drop. One tiny hint from the therapist (the mumble) and one huge one from the neurologist. But there were many other professionals and who saw her for relatively long periods of time. No one implied that this was not going to get better EVER or this was beyond bipolar. Not accepting what is right in front of you is a bad idea. Did I think I was superwoman? Or a G-d? That I could get her to a better place if I just worked harder? How much sacrifice? It all? My husband and son? Future generations? What the hell was I doing? Yes…acceptance came late to me too. Even though I have twinges of being mad at G-d, that has dissipated. Can you scapegoats G-d? Wow dumb. I accept the reality. I’m so grateful for all of you and do even wonder if you were sent to me for help. Thank you. [/QUOTE]
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