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***Standswithcourage***
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 124715" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>I have Pug-Ugly shoes - and they are just cute as the dickens - </p><p></p><p>Susan - if you want to PM go to any one of your posts and click on your name Standswithcourage - a box will pop up and then you can see how to unleash your PM abilities. </p><p></p><p>I don't know why I thought your son was 21, but anyway I found some information for you about places he can transition to AFTER he gets out of jail. </p><p></p><p>I will say this - he can thank his lucky stars he's in GVCJ because I've been to both there and RCDC - and LCDC - that place (while ominous) is a palace compared to the county jails here - I sat and watched that video thing in the foyer when we were there (9 hours) and even my son said he'd rather be back in that jail than go back to the group home he was in. </p><p></p><p>Be strong - I think we all know what you mean when you said "be in his shoes". I don't think you want to be in 'his' shoes - you are just trying to make sense out of his life. I don't know a parent that doesn't do that to some degree, but.....at 24 things aren't going to change unless HE wants them too. Heck for mine - at 17, - at 7 things aren't going to change for them unless they want them too. </p><p></p><p>I did a neat exercise with my son the other night - We sat down and wrote out ALL the times /days/years/months he's spent it Residential Treatment Center (RTC)'s, jail, group homes - and hospitals. We added up the days. I told him that the figure represented roughly 11 years of his life that he has THROWN away and wasted. 4015 days.....of doing what? And while I didn't think that it bothered him - today he tells me that he's stupid. That math is hard. That while everyone else was getting an education he was sleeping, being a jerk and drawing motorcycles. I said - yes, you did that. And he said "I've wasted my life." and I said - YOU have a choice - choose today to make the REST of your life count. Stop doing dumb stuff, stop making poor decisions. - then I said - Because while I'll always be your Mom - I can't mother you much more. Time for you to figure out how to do this on your own. Yes, it's hard - sure we'll support you, but we're done giving you the easy way out. Time for you to grow up. </p><p></p><p>And I said it in a loving, matter of fact way - not with tears or begging - just like HEY - here's the deal and I walked away. </p><p></p><p>If anyone could be in my sons shoes - I wouldn't wish his life on anyone but my x. That much he deserves. But that much good or bad - he'll never have. That's got to be enough vindication for me - and my son had a very hard /disgusting childhood. </p><p></p><p>And while the words may come across harsh - If they didn't care about you to being with - they wouldn't post at all. So consider yourself loved. </p><p>Lots of people read this - not many will post - but however you take the advice is up to you. Personally I'm glad anyone cares. lol. </p><p></p><p>Hugs for your day - SENDING YOU A RHINO SKIN SUIT - for the visit. </p><p>and of course a prayer or 100. </p><p></p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 124715, member: 4964"] I have Pug-Ugly shoes - and they are just cute as the dickens - Susan - if you want to PM go to any one of your posts and click on your name Standswithcourage - a box will pop up and then you can see how to unleash your PM abilities. I don't know why I thought your son was 21, but anyway I found some information for you about places he can transition to AFTER he gets out of jail. I will say this - he can thank his lucky stars he's in GVCJ because I've been to both there and RCDC - and LCDC - that place (while ominous) is a palace compared to the county jails here - I sat and watched that video thing in the foyer when we were there (9 hours) and even my son said he'd rather be back in that jail than go back to the group home he was in. Be strong - I think we all know what you mean when you said "be in his shoes". I don't think you want to be in 'his' shoes - you are just trying to make sense out of his life. I don't know a parent that doesn't do that to some degree, but.....at 24 things aren't going to change unless HE wants them too. Heck for mine - at 17, - at 7 things aren't going to change for them unless they want them too. I did a neat exercise with my son the other night - We sat down and wrote out ALL the times /days/years/months he's spent it Residential Treatment Center (RTC)'s, jail, group homes - and hospitals. We added up the days. I told him that the figure represented roughly 11 years of his life that he has THROWN away and wasted. 4015 days.....of doing what? And while I didn't think that it bothered him - today he tells me that he's stupid. That math is hard. That while everyone else was getting an education he was sleeping, being a jerk and drawing motorcycles. I said - yes, you did that. And he said "I've wasted my life." and I said - YOU have a choice - choose today to make the REST of your life count. Stop doing dumb stuff, stop making poor decisions. - then I said - Because while I'll always be your Mom - I can't mother you much more. Time for you to figure out how to do this on your own. Yes, it's hard - sure we'll support you, but we're done giving you the easy way out. Time for you to grow up. And I said it in a loving, matter of fact way - not with tears or begging - just like HEY - here's the deal and I walked away. If anyone could be in my sons shoes - I wouldn't wish his life on anyone but my x. That much he deserves. But that much good or bad - he'll never have. That's got to be enough vindication for me - and my son had a very hard /disgusting childhood. And while the words may come across harsh - If they didn't care about you to being with - they wouldn't post at all. So consider yourself loved. Lots of people read this - not many will post - but however you take the advice is up to you. Personally I'm glad anyone cares. lol. Hugs for your day - SENDING YOU A RHINO SKIN SUIT - for the visit. and of course a prayer or 100. Star [/QUOTE]
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