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Substance Abuse
Starting to cave..
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember1" data-source="post: 749414" data-attributes="member: 23706"><p>Oh, I know the temptation to "reward" them for doing what every other thirty year old is doing, such as going to work. We infantilize them in our minds and give them monetary rewards, which they misuse, for acting like adults. And usually they are acting like adults only in some ways and are usually also being childish and unkind to us and using drugs. But we put a star on their good boy/good girl chart for this stuff that everyone does, and we buy them a toy for being "good" in one area of life, even if it is absurd to gift these adults as if they are in elementary school. I fight the same mindset. You are not alone.</p><p></p><p>The difference is only that we are newly getting how useless it is to reward an adult for doing certain things right. In truth her life is a mess of her own doing and most money we send goes for drugs.</p><p></p><p>I hope you keep going to Al Anon. I like the Twelve Steps along with this forum. I can not do this alone. I can not revert back to being what I used to be. My husband and I made promises to one another to cut off the money for good.To never allow her to destroy our family and our relationship again. </p><p></p><p>We have little enough money left because of all we gave to Kay. You need your money too. You need your sanity.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember1, post: 749414, member: 23706"] Oh, I know the temptation to "reward" them for doing what every other thirty year old is doing, such as going to work. We infantilize them in our minds and give them monetary rewards, which they misuse, for acting like adults. And usually they are acting like adults only in some ways and are usually also being childish and unkind to us and using drugs. But we put a star on their good boy/good girl chart for this stuff that everyone does, and we buy them a toy for being "good" in one area of life, even if it is absurd to gift these adults as if they are in elementary school. I fight the same mindset. You are not alone. The difference is only that we are newly getting how useless it is to reward an adult for doing certain things right. In truth her life is a mess of her own doing and most money we send goes for drugs. I hope you keep going to Al Anon. I like the Twelve Steps along with this forum. I can not do this alone. I can not revert back to being what I used to be. My husband and I made promises to one another to cut off the money for good.To never allow her to destroy our family and our relationship again. We have little enough money left because of all we gave to Kay. You need your money too. You need your sanity. [/QUOTE]
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