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Substance Abuse
Starting to cave..
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<blockquote data-quote="elizabrary" data-source="post: 749428" data-attributes="member: 11235"><p>My daughter is in a good place <em>right now. </em>I know this could change tomorrow or in 2 years. I just have to appreciate what is in this moment. I don't know if my daughter got better because I stopped enabling her or if it would have happened anyway. It took some time, but once I quit the enabling our relationship got better. I think it changed and became one in which we are on more equal terms as adults, rather than me still "mothering" her. That doesn't mean we don't still have arguments or bad times, but we seem to get past them much more quickly now. I also don't dwell on her like I used to since I am much more focused on myself. I know that alleviates a lot of my stress. I strongly advocate for<strong> not </strong>paying phone bills or gas. Anything you are relied upon to pay will cause issues. You will resent it and your difficult adult child will expect it, find ways to take advantage of it, and push for more. It's one thing to take them out for a meal now and then or fill up their tank after you've had a visit. It's completely different when you always pay for gas, phone, food, housing- anything that any capable adult should be paying for themselves. I think it also adds to their feelings of helplessness and not being able to be independent. I know it's tough, but in the long run it is for the best.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="elizabrary, post: 749428, member: 11235"] My daughter is in a good place [I]right now. [/I]I know this could change tomorrow or in 2 years. I just have to appreciate what is in this moment. I don't know if my daughter got better because I stopped enabling her or if it would have happened anyway. It took some time, but once I quit the enabling our relationship got better. I think it changed and became one in which we are on more equal terms as adults, rather than me still "mothering" her. That doesn't mean we don't still have arguments or bad times, but we seem to get past them much more quickly now. I also don't dwell on her like I used to since I am much more focused on myself. I know that alleviates a lot of my stress. I strongly advocate for[B] not [/B]paying phone bills or gas. Anything you are relied upon to pay will cause issues. You will resent it and your difficult adult child will expect it, find ways to take advantage of it, and push for more. It's one thing to take them out for a meal now and then or fill up their tank after you've had a visit. It's completely different when you always pay for gas, phone, food, housing- anything that any capable adult should be paying for themselves. I think it also adds to their feelings of helplessness and not being able to be independent. I know it's tough, but in the long run it is for the best. [/QUOTE]
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