Thanks for the great replies--it is so comforting to know others deal with this exact same thing. If I didn't have this group I think I would be wondering why everyone I know has "normal" kids and mine are so screwed up. It is just so good to know that other regular parents have these sorts of problems.
Well, we will certainly be more protective of our belongings if difficult child 1 is over here and I will probably be less likely to have her here very often--I think meeting on neutral ground is a good idea. We need to limit the time the 2 girls are together anyway because Emily is a trigger for Molly's dissociative problems. Short visits are good but after a few hours Emily tends to revert to some of her old behaviors and that scares Molly (such as pretending she is going to hit Molly with something, flicking it close to her face--Molly isn't actually afraid now but it brings up the feelings of fear from when she was little and Emily did those sorts of things).
So glad you guys are here, it means the world to me!
Jane
