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General Parenting
Stealing - he's crossed a line and there's no going back
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 412298" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I am very sorry that it has come to this, but not surprised. Do not allow yourself to feel guilty because you didn't lock things up long ago. As long as your wife was not willing to stand firm there was little you could do. At this point, I think couples counsellling for both of you and therapy for codependency for wife would be good. </p><p> </p><p>I think removing his door is a good idea, so is stripping his stuff. I would leave 7 outfits that YOU approve of and get rid of the rest. If you can, get a storage unit off site and put his stuff there. Move your computer monitor, big screen tv, etc... into your bedroom. A deadbolt on your daughter's door is also a must - she must be able to be safe from him and to keep her things safe. He WILL go after her and her stuff if he can. </p><p> </p><p>You CAN choose to let the credit card co press charges against your son for the theft. It IS a crime. You will be forced to go to court with him and it will likely be a LOT more expensive than the $100. They may force you to pay for his lawyer - isn't THAT bizarre? - but it is a choice. I am not advocating this, at this point, but if any further theft occurs I would seriously think about pressing charges. </p><p> </p><p>i am sorry that you and your wife have to endure this, and I think if you are going to make it as a couple that you need to go to some marriage/couples therapy because otherwise this issue is going to tear you apart. difficult children are incredibly hard on relationships of every kind. </p><p> </p><p>Do whatever is needed to protect your daughter. She is a true target and he may already have done or be doing things that will horrify you - she likely won't tell as long as she thinks he can get to her. It was only because I walked in on it that I learned that my difficult child was trying to kill my daughter. He had been doing it for a LONG time - she didn't tell because he threatened her. So do all you can to protect your daughter. I would add an alarm to her door in addition to the deadbolt. That way if he gets through the lock the alarm will wake up everyone if he opens it. Make sure it is on daughter's side of the door so she can turn it off if she had to go to the bathroom or something else in the night. They are pretty cheap and can be found at walmart and/or radio shack usually.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 412298, member: 1233"] I am very sorry that it has come to this, but not surprised. Do not allow yourself to feel guilty because you didn't lock things up long ago. As long as your wife was not willing to stand firm there was little you could do. At this point, I think couples counsellling for both of you and therapy for codependency for wife would be good. I think removing his door is a good idea, so is stripping his stuff. I would leave 7 outfits that YOU approve of and get rid of the rest. If you can, get a storage unit off site and put his stuff there. Move your computer monitor, big screen tv, etc... into your bedroom. A deadbolt on your daughter's door is also a must - she must be able to be safe from him and to keep her things safe. He WILL go after her and her stuff if he can. You CAN choose to let the credit card co press charges against your son for the theft. It IS a crime. You will be forced to go to court with him and it will likely be a LOT more expensive than the $100. They may force you to pay for his lawyer - isn't THAT bizarre? - but it is a choice. I am not advocating this, at this point, but if any further theft occurs I would seriously think about pressing charges. i am sorry that you and your wife have to endure this, and I think if you are going to make it as a couple that you need to go to some marriage/couples therapy because otherwise this issue is going to tear you apart. difficult children are incredibly hard on relationships of every kind. Do whatever is needed to protect your daughter. She is a true target and he may already have done or be doing things that will horrify you - she likely won't tell as long as she thinks he can get to her. It was only because I walked in on it that I learned that my difficult child was trying to kill my daughter. He had been doing it for a LONG time - she didn't tell because he threatened her. So do all you can to protect your daughter. I would add an alarm to her door in addition to the deadbolt. That way if he gets through the lock the alarm will wake up everyone if he opens it. Make sure it is on daughter's side of the door so she can turn it off if she had to go to the bathroom or something else in the night. They are pretty cheap and can be found at walmart and/or radio shack usually. [/QUOTE]
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Stealing - he's crossed a line and there's no going back
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