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stealing, lying
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<blockquote data-quote="done_dad" data-source="post: 377648"><p>difficult child was in court ordered therapy for 6 months (long story) - anyhow, we connected with the therapist and are going to see her as a couple now. She is helping us with presenting difficult child a united front. </p><p> </p><p>The abusive boyfriend is somebody else's difficult child himself - his mom is a HUGE enabler. Last July we found out he had been climbing in difficult child's window at night - we found out when the police showed up at 3 am because he had been skulking around outside between our house and the neighbor's and the neighbor called the police. The police wouldn't do anything at that time because difficult child had been "inviting" him in - (his parents are local politicos in our little community - which is part of the problem, he's been getting away with things all his life and the police are hands off).</p><p> </p><p>Anyhow, turns out he was climbing in the window, getting oral sex, and difficult child was giving him $20 for gas money too. (She's a little confused on who's supposed to give who $20 in these situations.)</p><p> </p><p>Wife found her myspace page and there was page after page of him calling difficult child every name in the book - wife took her to stay at relatives to try to get her out of this situation, but difficult child got back in contact with abusive boyfriend and he convinced her to move in with him (in his parent's house). boyfriend's mother drove to pick her up and take her back to their house.</p><p> </p><p>So, when they were living there, they were "drinking themselves into a stupor every night" (boyfriend's father's words), doing drugs, sleeping all day. difficult child had been going to local community college, was on the track team - was doing great. All that went down the toilet. (boyfriend is a loser, doesn't work, doesn't go to school, is on food stamps and general relief while living in parents house in gated community - he also tried to get difficult child involved in welfare fraud while she was living there.)</p><p> </p><p>During this time, she was sending wife text messages saying how much she hated her, cursing her, etc. They tried to break into our house one day - we came home and caught them and said if they tried again we would call the police. 2 weeks later they came back at night and broke into a shed in the backyard and stole some things to pawn (they were also stealing from boyfriend's parents). We called the police and pressed charges. Then wife panicked and hired a lawyer for her, which cost us a fortune. Anyhow, that's how she ended up in therapy.</p><p> </p><p>boyfriend's parents eventually had enough (the cops showing up at their house and arresting difficult child and boyfriend and retrieving our property from their house was probably the final straw). They kicked them out - they lasted about 2 weeks before loser broke his arm having a drunken tantrum, his car broke down (new car provided by parents) and his parents had it repossessed. difficult child moved back with us (gigantic mistake on our part to let her back in). Loser moved back in with his parents. Nothing but drama since then. We put locks on our bedroom, den, garage, and easy child's bedroom doors. So we have to walk about the house with a set of keys to get in various rooms. This is because difficult child will steal anything that is not nailed down. She pawned a $200 camera my brother gave her for Christmas for $25. </p><p> </p><p>So, this is the kind of insanity I'm living with - actually, I'd hardly call it living. Nothing we say, the therapist says, the police say, nothing gets through to difficult child. Loser boyfriend is just using her - but she sees it as "true love." Wife will agree to impose consequences, but then backs off when we go to implement them - I guess she sees it as protecting her baby, or that difficult child is a victim herself, so we have to be there for her. I see it as, yes, loser boyfriend might be behind some of this stuff, but difficult child is making choices to steal from us, lie to us, use drugs in our house, use our computer network to send pornographic pictures of herself out to the Internet, etc. Wife and I are devout Catholics, so all of this is totally against what we believe in and how difficult child was raised. </p><p> </p><p>With the therapist's guidance, we set down a very clear set of rules in writing and told her the next time she violates them, she has to move out. I know it's not a question of "if", but "when" she violates them. The question is, will wife follow through or not?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="done_dad, post: 377648"] difficult child was in court ordered therapy for 6 months (long story) - anyhow, we connected with the therapist and are going to see her as a couple now. She is helping us with presenting difficult child a united front. The abusive boyfriend is somebody else's difficult child himself - his mom is a HUGE enabler. Last July we found out he had been climbing in difficult child's window at night - we found out when the police showed up at 3 am because he had been skulking around outside between our house and the neighbor's and the neighbor called the police. The police wouldn't do anything at that time because difficult child had been "inviting" him in - (his parents are local politicos in our little community - which is part of the problem, he's been getting away with things all his life and the police are hands off). Anyhow, turns out he was climbing in the window, getting oral sex, and difficult child was giving him $20 for gas money too. (She's a little confused on who's supposed to give who $20 in these situations.) Wife found her myspace page and there was page after page of him calling difficult child every name in the book - wife took her to stay at relatives to try to get her out of this situation, but difficult child got back in contact with abusive boyfriend and he convinced her to move in with him (in his parent's house). boyfriend's mother drove to pick her up and take her back to their house. So, when they were living there, they were "drinking themselves into a stupor every night" (boyfriend's father's words), doing drugs, sleeping all day. difficult child had been going to local community college, was on the track team - was doing great. All that went down the toilet. (boyfriend is a loser, doesn't work, doesn't go to school, is on food stamps and general relief while living in parents house in gated community - he also tried to get difficult child involved in welfare fraud while she was living there.) During this time, she was sending wife text messages saying how much she hated her, cursing her, etc. They tried to break into our house one day - we came home and caught them and said if they tried again we would call the police. 2 weeks later they came back at night and broke into a shed in the backyard and stole some things to pawn (they were also stealing from boyfriend's parents). We called the police and pressed charges. Then wife panicked and hired a lawyer for her, which cost us a fortune. Anyhow, that's how she ended up in therapy. boyfriend's parents eventually had enough (the cops showing up at their house and arresting difficult child and boyfriend and retrieving our property from their house was probably the final straw). They kicked them out - they lasted about 2 weeks before loser broke his arm having a drunken tantrum, his car broke down (new car provided by parents) and his parents had it repossessed. difficult child moved back with us (gigantic mistake on our part to let her back in). Loser moved back in with his parents. Nothing but drama since then. We put locks on our bedroom, den, garage, and easy child's bedroom doors. So we have to walk about the house with a set of keys to get in various rooms. This is because difficult child will steal anything that is not nailed down. She pawned a $200 camera my brother gave her for Christmas for $25. So, this is the kind of insanity I'm living with - actually, I'd hardly call it living. Nothing we say, the therapist says, the police say, nothing gets through to difficult child. Loser boyfriend is just using her - but she sees it as "true love." Wife will agree to impose consequences, but then backs off when we go to implement them - I guess she sees it as protecting her baby, or that difficult child is a victim herself, so we have to be there for her. I see it as, yes, loser boyfriend might be behind some of this stuff, but difficult child is making choices to steal from us, lie to us, use drugs in our house, use our computer network to send pornographic pictures of herself out to the Internet, etc. Wife and I are devout Catholics, so all of this is totally against what we believe in and how difficult child was raised. With the therapist's guidance, we set down a very clear set of rules in writing and told her the next time she violates them, she has to move out. I know it's not a question of "if", but "when" she violates them. The question is, will wife follow through or not? [/QUOTE]
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