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stealing, lying
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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 377662"><p>Sounds right to me. No matter the abusive boyfriend she is lying and stealing from you, you can not live like that. The bottom line is you can't protect her from the abusive boyfriend, she has to decide to do that for herself. In some ways it must be harder to kick a girl outnof the house. I knew when we kicked my son out that he could end up on the streets and in a terrible situation, but he is also a kid that will defend himself and so although in many ways vulnerable, I think I would have been even more worried if he was a girl.</p><p></p><p>So yes if she breaks the agreement (sounds like she surely will) then you need to insist she move out. I would get as much help from the therapist as you can right now to help your wife be able to follow through.</p><p></p><p>It absolutely does these kids no good to get the message that they can violate every rule, steal from their parents, and have no consequence. That is what finally got me to the point where I was willing to do it. I knew the life lesson he was learning from flagrantly violating the rules and then threatening me when I called him on it.... would be bad if I let him get away from it.</p><p></p><p>Instead he was taken out by the police, no tresspassed from our house. He lived some with friends but also got arrested twice with a possible third charge. I mean he had to learn the hard way that he can't behave that way in society and get away with it.</p><p></p><p>What we did do that helped give us some peace of mind (not a whole lot but some) was to continue paying for his cell phone. We kept in touch with him via text. I would text him and he would ignore me but it kept the door open and then when he needed something he would call us. I also got sort of friendly with the dad he was staying with. A whole lot of issues over there but I didn't care we connected and the dad kep tin touch with me so at least I knew my son was ok.</p><p></p><p>Kicking him out was the best thing we could have done. I can't say he has it all turned around but after 2 months he went voluntariily back to his old Residential Treatment Center (RTC) for 2 weeks to work on school work to finish his diploma. We worked on the rules for him to live here until he gets on his feet. He has been home a week. He has since managed to get a job for which he has orientation tomorrow. So although I don't think he is committed to being sober - which may be his downfall - he is taking some very positive steps to pulling it together. </p><p></p><p>I think if we had not kicked him out we would still be where we were back in June or worse.....and now he knows we are serious. That level of stuff again and out he goes. Things have actually been pretty calm the last week. Maybe cause we had a good vacation and I am trying hard to not try and get in the way of decisions that are his to make.... but am being clear about what he does here at home or with our car.</p><p></p><p>Good luck. I really hope your wife can follow through.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 377662"] Sounds right to me. No matter the abusive boyfriend she is lying and stealing from you, you can not live like that. The bottom line is you can't protect her from the abusive boyfriend, she has to decide to do that for herself. In some ways it must be harder to kick a girl outnof the house. I knew when we kicked my son out that he could end up on the streets and in a terrible situation, but he is also a kid that will defend himself and so although in many ways vulnerable, I think I would have been even more worried if he was a girl. So yes if she breaks the agreement (sounds like she surely will) then you need to insist she move out. I would get as much help from the therapist as you can right now to help your wife be able to follow through. It absolutely does these kids no good to get the message that they can violate every rule, steal from their parents, and have no consequence. That is what finally got me to the point where I was willing to do it. I knew the life lesson he was learning from flagrantly violating the rules and then threatening me when I called him on it.... would be bad if I let him get away from it. Instead he was taken out by the police, no tresspassed from our house. He lived some with friends but also got arrested twice with a possible third charge. I mean he had to learn the hard way that he can't behave that way in society and get away with it. What we did do that helped give us some peace of mind (not a whole lot but some) was to continue paying for his cell phone. We kept in touch with him via text. I would text him and he would ignore me but it kept the door open and then when he needed something he would call us. I also got sort of friendly with the dad he was staying with. A whole lot of issues over there but I didn't care we connected and the dad kep tin touch with me so at least I knew my son was ok. Kicking him out was the best thing we could have done. I can't say he has it all turned around but after 2 months he went voluntariily back to his old Residential Treatment Center (RTC) for 2 weeks to work on school work to finish his diploma. We worked on the rules for him to live here until he gets on his feet. He has been home a week. He has since managed to get a job for which he has orientation tomorrow. So although I don't think he is committed to being sober - which may be his downfall - he is taking some very positive steps to pulling it together. I think if we had not kicked him out we would still be where we were back in June or worse.....and now he knows we are serious. That level of stuff again and out he goes. Things have actually been pretty calm the last week. Maybe cause we had a good vacation and I am trying hard to not try and get in the way of decisions that are his to make.... but am being clear about what he does here at home or with our car. Good luck. I really hope your wife can follow through. [/QUOTE]
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