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stealing, lying
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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 377744"><p>I am glad your wife is on board. It is so hard to go through this. And yes we were in a similar place last June. My son was out of the house for 2 months and I must say it did the rest of us some good to have the peace we should all have in our homes. He is back for the moment, but he did make some very clear steps on his own which made us willing to give him another chance. We are also looking at this as temporary. I am fully aware that we may get back to that same place and if we do he will have to leave again.</p><p></p><p>One thing that really helped me. When we first kicked him out I kind of felt ok he did this, he got us to this point, so we need to wait until he gets in touch with us. I talked to my therapist about it. She also felt we had done the right thing and was very supportive of us. Anyway she said you just kicked him out, why would he then contact you??? That would be a hard step fo rhim to take. Good point. So she suggested we stay in touch with him, send him daily short loving text messages. Defintiely don't invite him back, make it clear he is out of the house, but also let him know you love him and keep the door open.</p><p></p><p>That turned out to be really good advice. So I started texting him. He would not respond but that was ok. But then he needed something and he called us. He got arrested and he called us. Now I think he expected (or at least hoped) me at that point to come down and bail him out. I did not. But I told him I loved him. I showed up at his arraignment to see what happened. So although he was angry and distant we kept showing him we love him and support him. It was hard at times not to feel a bit used since he only called us when he needed something from the house, like clothes etc. But we let that feeling go.</p><p></p><p>I tell you this because I know the temptation is to kick her out and then wait until she comes to you. That will make it harder on her and on you and your wife. It was a huge relief to me to realize I could still love my son, still show him I loved him, and yet still be clear that he could not live here.</p><p></p><p>I think it all ended up making a huge difference in his decision to try and move on with his life in a more positive way.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 377744"] I am glad your wife is on board. It is so hard to go through this. And yes we were in a similar place last June. My son was out of the house for 2 months and I must say it did the rest of us some good to have the peace we should all have in our homes. He is back for the moment, but he did make some very clear steps on his own which made us willing to give him another chance. We are also looking at this as temporary. I am fully aware that we may get back to that same place and if we do he will have to leave again. One thing that really helped me. When we first kicked him out I kind of felt ok he did this, he got us to this point, so we need to wait until he gets in touch with us. I talked to my therapist about it. She also felt we had done the right thing and was very supportive of us. Anyway she said you just kicked him out, why would he then contact you??? That would be a hard step fo rhim to take. Good point. So she suggested we stay in touch with him, send him daily short loving text messages. Defintiely don't invite him back, make it clear he is out of the house, but also let him know you love him and keep the door open. That turned out to be really good advice. So I started texting him. He would not respond but that was ok. But then he needed something and he called us. He got arrested and he called us. Now I think he expected (or at least hoped) me at that point to come down and bail him out. I did not. But I told him I loved him. I showed up at his arraignment to see what happened. So although he was angry and distant we kept showing him we love him and support him. It was hard at times not to feel a bit used since he only called us when he needed something from the house, like clothes etc. But we let that feeling go. I tell you this because I know the temptation is to kick her out and then wait until she comes to you. That will make it harder on her and on you and your wife. It was a huge relief to me to realize I could still love my son, still show him I loved him, and yet still be clear that he could not live here. I think it all ended up making a huge difference in his decision to try and move on with his life in a more positive way. [/QUOTE]
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