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Step Daughter Admitted Sexual Abuse
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 524577" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>i believe her. her reactions are very much on the mark. I was 16 when my uncle hurt me, and it took me years to admit it to myself, and it took seeing him look at my daughter and it came flooding back. I simply pretend he doesn't exist and am too busy when he comes to visit my parents. just too busy to visit - have to be out of town. If i tell my parents it will be a bfd and as they never believed anything i said about my bro, and still don't even years after he admitted much of it, i have no reason to trust they would believe me. i didn't spend as much time n the bad hygeine stage, and years later did things that were unethical (wrote term papers for other kids, nothing sexual) to pay for therapy because i didn't want to explain to my mom why i was seeing a therapist and ins was paying for it. </p><p></p><p>for years I never wanted to turn my back on bro or uncle, because i was raised that no matter what, you never ever ever turn your back on a relative, esp a sibling. I didn't tell about the neighbor because his parents knew he hurt his older sister (mentally delayed) and just told her she couldn't go to the upstairs where his room was or the basement where the guy's 'mancave' was if her brothers were home. So there was really no one to tell. i did make the one boy leave me alone a few yrs later when he tried again - i fought like a girl. All teeth and nails and high pitched shrieks into his ear and at the point i put sharp thumb nails - mine have always been hard like spikes not like fingernails - almost on his eyeballs, he gave up and begged me to let him go. if he had continued i would have blinded him for life and that would have been intersting to explain, esp where i had bruises. again, I told no one. other kids saw, but no one told the real reason. you just didn't in the seventies in our neighborhood/church. i wasn't the only girl attacked and he wasn't the only guy who preyed, i was just the one who fought the hardest - a gfgbro who would have beat me to death taught me to fight hard and dirty.</p><p></p><p>get help for her. Call an incest hotline and ask for the name of a therapist in your area who will understand the issues. it may take months for her to open up to the therapist, and that is okay. Just keep trying. she doesn't want to tell or 'turn her back' because of all the headgames he has played and because she doesn't want to hurt anyone and because she is dead sure that she wont' be believed. she is not his only victim - it is very very rare for a man who would do that to have just one victim. </p><p></p><p>i wish I had been believed. I wish my mom believed me now. I can tell she doesn't, although she claims to. she wants exact dates and times nad a play by play. When i have given her that in regard to things my brother has done, she flat out didn't believe what i said and did believe him when he claimed to be with a friend or somewhere else even when the friend flat out said he lied and wasn't with him. But bro was believed and i wasn't, and it has really damaged our relationship. she now says it isn't that she doesn't believe me, but ....... and the but is that 'you were always oversensitive and read too much into things and it was never as bad as you said it was so you can't really be believed'. and those words are not unspoken, they just are not spoken around a therapist or doctor or anyone but me. </p><p></p><p>PLEASE don't say things like that. just believe that she is telling you all she can. she isn't out to get somethng from this, esp as she doesn't want to press charges. it is a very common reaction. what she says happened are often the early steps of abuse, and if she was around him more than he would have progressed to more. she needs to feel believed and to get help. it will damage your relationshp long term if she feels you don't believe her.</p><p></p><p>PLeAse talk to someone about incest and sexual abuse and why/how people reveal it later. It is awesome that she trusts you enough to tell you about it even now. it took me over 25 years to talk about much of this with my mom. Not being believed hurt just as much as the abuse itself. T here was nothing at all I could gain from talking about it with my mom, absolutely nothing, so talking really was going out on a limb. and in a lot of ways it got sawed off on me, and that is hard to fix. Please, just believe and get help for her.</p><p></p><p>Please, don't assume she is lying. esp as this is totally not the pattern of her lyiing. everyone lies, but ths wasn't to get out of something. it was a private place/time where no one could overhear and then make it come back to bite her. it is a huge step to trusting you, take that step and believe her, even though it is hard and no one wants to think it happened.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 524577, member: 1233"] i believe her. her reactions are very much on the mark. I was 16 when my uncle hurt me, and it took me years to admit it to myself, and it took seeing him look at my daughter and it came flooding back. I simply pretend he doesn't exist and am too busy when he comes to visit my parents. just too busy to visit - have to be out of town. If i tell my parents it will be a bfd and as they never believed anything i said about my bro, and still don't even years after he admitted much of it, i have no reason to trust they would believe me. i didn't spend as much time n the bad hygeine stage, and years later did things that were unethical (wrote term papers for other kids, nothing sexual) to pay for therapy because i didn't want to explain to my mom why i was seeing a therapist and ins was paying for it. for years I never wanted to turn my back on bro or uncle, because i was raised that no matter what, you never ever ever turn your back on a relative, esp a sibling. I didn't tell about the neighbor because his parents knew he hurt his older sister (mentally delayed) and just told her she couldn't go to the upstairs where his room was or the basement where the guy's 'mancave' was if her brothers were home. So there was really no one to tell. i did make the one boy leave me alone a few yrs later when he tried again - i fought like a girl. All teeth and nails and high pitched shrieks into his ear and at the point i put sharp thumb nails - mine have always been hard like spikes not like fingernails - almost on his eyeballs, he gave up and begged me to let him go. if he had continued i would have blinded him for life and that would have been intersting to explain, esp where i had bruises. again, I told no one. other kids saw, but no one told the real reason. you just didn't in the seventies in our neighborhood/church. i wasn't the only girl attacked and he wasn't the only guy who preyed, i was just the one who fought the hardest - a gfgbro who would have beat me to death taught me to fight hard and dirty. get help for her. Call an incest hotline and ask for the name of a therapist in your area who will understand the issues. it may take months for her to open up to the therapist, and that is okay. Just keep trying. she doesn't want to tell or 'turn her back' because of all the headgames he has played and because she doesn't want to hurt anyone and because she is dead sure that she wont' be believed. she is not his only victim - it is very very rare for a man who would do that to have just one victim. i wish I had been believed. I wish my mom believed me now. I can tell she doesn't, although she claims to. she wants exact dates and times nad a play by play. When i have given her that in regard to things my brother has done, she flat out didn't believe what i said and did believe him when he claimed to be with a friend or somewhere else even when the friend flat out said he lied and wasn't with him. But bro was believed and i wasn't, and it has really damaged our relationship. she now says it isn't that she doesn't believe me, but ....... and the but is that 'you were always oversensitive and read too much into things and it was never as bad as you said it was so you can't really be believed'. and those words are not unspoken, they just are not spoken around a therapist or doctor or anyone but me. PLEASE don't say things like that. just believe that she is telling you all she can. she isn't out to get somethng from this, esp as she doesn't want to press charges. it is a very common reaction. what she says happened are often the early steps of abuse, and if she was around him more than he would have progressed to more. she needs to feel believed and to get help. it will damage your relationshp long term if she feels you don't believe her. PLeAse talk to someone about incest and sexual abuse and why/how people reveal it later. It is awesome that she trusts you enough to tell you about it even now. it took me over 25 years to talk about much of this with my mom. Not being believed hurt just as much as the abuse itself. T here was nothing at all I could gain from talking about it with my mom, absolutely nothing, so talking really was going out on a limb. and in a lot of ways it got sawed off on me, and that is hard to fix. Please, just believe and get help for her. Please, don't assume she is lying. esp as this is totally not the pattern of her lyiing. everyone lies, but ths wasn't to get out of something. it was a private place/time where no one could overhear and then make it come back to bite her. it is a huge step to trusting you, take that step and believe her, even though it is hard and no one wants to think it happened. [/QUOTE]
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