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step daughter!!!
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<blockquote data-quote="Mattsmom277" data-source="post: 341967" data-attributes="member: 4264"><p>Sometimes I think that we underestimate the effect new marriages have on children.I am not in any way condoning disrespect aimed at you as a step parent. I completely wouldn't be okay with that in my life. Yet some kids find it really hard to adapt. And as "daddys girl", the oldest, she may have legitimate teen angst/pain and be struggling to learn her place in dads new life. It is a ton of pressure on her as well as on you, your husband, your children. I think sometimes it is hard to see how much pain kids are in when they aren't crying about it, instead they seem angry and insulent. </p><p></p><p>I do hope your husband talks to his daughter about her disrespect in your home. It is not acceptable. At the same time, what vibes does she get from you? You are hurt, you aren't happy around her due to her actions affects on your emotions. She surely is plainly aware of this. She may even secretly like you very much you know. How odd is that? But often true. </p><p></p><p>I don't have any magical answers, but as i said, I hope your husband puts his foot down privately, lovingly, but FIRMLY with his daughter about her behaviours in your home. It may be that you two never really "click" for whatever reason, but disrespect from anybody in a family home isn't okay. </p><p></p><p>I would continue to go about my business the same as when she isn't there. I wouldn't avoid her in any way. I'd smile when I didn't want to smile. If she does something hateful or hurtful, mention it to husband later on in private and have him privately address it with his daughter.</p><p></p><p>I know step parents are often told to never step in, but I think its a load of hogwash. There are obvious situations best handled only by a bio parent, but I think it completely undermines a FAMILY to denegrate a step parent into a glorified room mate or something. As adults in a relationship holding a parental role, the roles may be redefined in step situations but I don't know why so many think that bio parents should be the only disciplinarians, ones to discuss all big issues etc. It isn't at all healthy to teach a child from the onset that the step parent has no role other than mommy or daddies new "mate". (This is just my opinion)</p><p></p><p>I would even, while smiling and nodding and going about my business, say something at times, same as with my own bio children. If you've been seeing eyes rolling constantly, eventually calmly look over and say something when it happens again "Every time I speak I notice your eyes rolling. I know you were taught to not be so rude and you're a good kid, so I assume you are having vision problems. Want me to make a eye doctor appointment" (tongue in cheek lol). </p><p></p><p>My difficult child is 16. He had me alone most of his life. I'm in a 6 year relationship now. difficult child has serious "daddy" issues (as in, "a dad? Whats that? Oh, the scum under my shoe"). He struggled seeing me with someone new and having a male role in his life. But after the first few rude actions, I set him right straight. Nope. Not happening. My S/O didnt push, but gave difficult child time to come around on his own. He doesn't overstep his role as a step parent, but when the circumstance calls for it, he treats difficult child the same as his bio daughter.</p><p></p><p>My easy child never saw her dad and I together. She has my S/O as step dad role. Her father remarried and she has a step mother. She has always been told to respect both steps in her life. Period. And both do step up when needed and don't worry about not being a bio parent. They are still a parent. </p><p></p><p>I'm so sorry it is a struggle merging your families. It is the hardest thing for many people. I do hope that something changes so that you can all enjoy your new family and comfortable in your own home.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Mattsmom277, post: 341967, member: 4264"] Sometimes I think that we underestimate the effect new marriages have on children.I am not in any way condoning disrespect aimed at you as a step parent. I completely wouldn't be okay with that in my life. Yet some kids find it really hard to adapt. And as "daddys girl", the oldest, she may have legitimate teen angst/pain and be struggling to learn her place in dads new life. It is a ton of pressure on her as well as on you, your husband, your children. I think sometimes it is hard to see how much pain kids are in when they aren't crying about it, instead they seem angry and insulent. I do hope your husband talks to his daughter about her disrespect in your home. It is not acceptable. At the same time, what vibes does she get from you? You are hurt, you aren't happy around her due to her actions affects on your emotions. She surely is plainly aware of this. She may even secretly like you very much you know. How odd is that? But often true. I don't have any magical answers, but as i said, I hope your husband puts his foot down privately, lovingly, but FIRMLY with his daughter about her behaviours in your home. It may be that you two never really "click" for whatever reason, but disrespect from anybody in a family home isn't okay. I would continue to go about my business the same as when she isn't there. I wouldn't avoid her in any way. I'd smile when I didn't want to smile. If she does something hateful or hurtful, mention it to husband later on in private and have him privately address it with his daughter. I know step parents are often told to never step in, but I think its a load of hogwash. There are obvious situations best handled only by a bio parent, but I think it completely undermines a FAMILY to denegrate a step parent into a glorified room mate or something. As adults in a relationship holding a parental role, the roles may be redefined in step situations but I don't know why so many think that bio parents should be the only disciplinarians, ones to discuss all big issues etc. It isn't at all healthy to teach a child from the onset that the step parent has no role other than mommy or daddies new "mate". (This is just my opinion) I would even, while smiling and nodding and going about my business, say something at times, same as with my own bio children. If you've been seeing eyes rolling constantly, eventually calmly look over and say something when it happens again "Every time I speak I notice your eyes rolling. I know you were taught to not be so rude and you're a good kid, so I assume you are having vision problems. Want me to make a eye doctor appointment" (tongue in cheek lol). My difficult child is 16. He had me alone most of his life. I'm in a 6 year relationship now. difficult child has serious "daddy" issues (as in, "a dad? Whats that? Oh, the scum under my shoe"). He struggled seeing me with someone new and having a male role in his life. But after the first few rude actions, I set him right straight. Nope. Not happening. My S/O didnt push, but gave difficult child time to come around on his own. He doesn't overstep his role as a step parent, but when the circumstance calls for it, he treats difficult child the same as his bio daughter. My easy child never saw her dad and I together. She has my S/O as step dad role. Her father remarried and she has a step mother. She has always been told to respect both steps in her life. Period. And both do step up when needed and don't worry about not being a bio parent. They are still a parent. I'm so sorry it is a struggle merging your families. It is the hardest thing for many people. I do hope that something changes so that you can all enjoy your new family and comfortable in your own home. [/QUOTE]
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