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step daughter!!!
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 341990" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>The girl looking at apartments - I used to do that. And even if she IS looking in wishful thinking, imagining either you or her daddy moving out - let her dream. As long as YOU can secretly smile and know there is no chance of that, how can her dreams ever hurt you?</p><p></p><p>I think that is what your husband meant by, "Just ignore it."</p><p></p><p>There are undoubtedly many problems you need to address with this girl, many more that her father needs to be the one addressing. If you try to address them all, none of you will know where to start and it then becomes too easy for her to throw up her hands and say, "It's all too hard, you're all picking on me."</p><p>And indeed, it would look like that to her.</p><p></p><p>THe issue of her dreaming and wishing about you splitting up - she needs to dream. If you were a teacher at school that she hated and she was secretly dreaming of you being tortured by the Inquisition - let her dream. </p><p></p><p>Who knows? It is all learning and in the process, she is also learning about how to rent an apartment for when SHE leaves home.</p><p></p><p>I'd be asking to have a look as well, and discussing apartments with her, use it to help her think about her own needs. Or if she wants to think in terms of you leaving your husband, then ask her what kind of apartment she thinks would be suitable. Make it clear it's hypothetical, but be nice about it.</p><p></p><p>SHe's a brat, that's for sure. But a very confused one who is stuck at that difficultstage where somewhere inside she is a 6 year old wanting Daddy to make everything magically like it was before, but also an adult who wants to have a say in what she has to endure in her life. ANd you, she doesn't want to endure. That is not fair to you. But it is how she feels. She has a right to however she chooses to feel, just as you have a right to be respected in your own home.</p><p></p><p>This is a matter of not only finding balance, but helping her see her own place in your lives, appropriately.</p><p></p><p>Your husband has to take the lead. But when he DOES take the lead, you can't take it back from him if you don't agree with it. All you can do is discuss it with him afterwards, find out his reasoning and do your utmost to respect it. His job is to help you do this.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 341990, member: 1991"] The girl looking at apartments - I used to do that. And even if she IS looking in wishful thinking, imagining either you or her daddy moving out - let her dream. As long as YOU can secretly smile and know there is no chance of that, how can her dreams ever hurt you? I think that is what your husband meant by, "Just ignore it." There are undoubtedly many problems you need to address with this girl, many more that her father needs to be the one addressing. If you try to address them all, none of you will know where to start and it then becomes too easy for her to throw up her hands and say, "It's all too hard, you're all picking on me." And indeed, it would look like that to her. THe issue of her dreaming and wishing about you splitting up - she needs to dream. If you were a teacher at school that she hated and she was secretly dreaming of you being tortured by the Inquisition - let her dream. Who knows? It is all learning and in the process, she is also learning about how to rent an apartment for when SHE leaves home. I'd be asking to have a look as well, and discussing apartments with her, use it to help her think about her own needs. Or if she wants to think in terms of you leaving your husband, then ask her what kind of apartment she thinks would be suitable. Make it clear it's hypothetical, but be nice about it. SHe's a brat, that's for sure. But a very confused one who is stuck at that difficultstage where somewhere inside she is a 6 year old wanting Daddy to make everything magically like it was before, but also an adult who wants to have a say in what she has to endure in her life. ANd you, she doesn't want to endure. That is not fair to you. But it is how she feels. She has a right to however she chooses to feel, just as you have a right to be respected in your own home. This is a matter of not only finding balance, but helping her see her own place in your lives, appropriately. Your husband has to take the lead. But when he DOES take the lead, you can't take it back from him if you don't agree with it. All you can do is discuss it with him afterwards, find out his reasoning and do your utmost to respect it. His job is to help you do this. Marg [/QUOTE]
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