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Step difficult child's diagnosis
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<blockquote data-quote="Hound dog" data-source="post: 195269" data-attributes="member: 84"><p>Heather at this point neuro is saying an absolute no to surgery. The herniation is too extensive and pressure is too great to consider it. So it's not sounding like it will be a possiblity in the future. He's still dumbstruck she's still around. She already has quite a bit of brain damage caused by both the pressure and the herniation. The seizures aren't helping either. And her symptoms are becoming severe. And it's affecting her cognitive abilities quite a bit.</p><p> </p><p>Just an FYI.......I did a police records check on both stepgfg and her husband. Both came back clean as a whistle. Except the tax thing when stepgfg lost the house her grandpa left her. So they've kept their noses out of trouble. (or not got caught)</p><p> </p><p>I feel horrible. I saw the symptoms. She had them pretty severe while here. I knew something was going on.......Just couldn't for the life of me figure it out. Didn't help she wasn't contributing much info either. But still. I do remember once asking her to go to Travis' neuro and she declined. Her mother has instilled in her a fear of docs. It was much easier to jump on the bandwagon created by bioMom that she was doing drugs. sigh That hindsight will get ya every time.</p><p> </p><p>Doesn't excuse some of the awful behavior she had here, nor will I let it. But it makes the vast majority of it understandable.</p><p> </p><p>In the last few emails I see the old stepgfg, the one I knew before she came to live here. I see a genuine concern for her sibs that was lacking while she was here. A mature understanding of what is going on with them. So maybe time, rough times, and this diagnosis has done alot with her on the maturity scale.</p><p> </p><p>Eventually I'm going to feel her out for what type of support system she has there. I don't like the thought of her way over there going this alone with just her husband. I'm wondering what the deal is with bioMom and I may just come out and ask. </p><p> </p><p>Strange how life works. Ya know. Even if I wanted to do the Mom to the Rescue routine, I couldn't. Bringing her here would hurt her more than help her. She wouldn't be eligible for a darn thing for at least 6 months. And we in no way could afford to bring the family here and have them stay. We're in as bad as shape as she is. Blows. But it's a fact. So I have to attempt it from 3 states away, as best I can. </p><p> </p><p>Yes. Stepgfg made her choice 6 yrs ago when she ran out on her family here. And is now reaping the conscquences of that decision. She is too far for us to be her support system in any real sense. But I agree with Star, sometimes natural consequences reak and are way overboard. </p><p> </p><p>And yes. I take on some of the blame for that decision myself. Why? Because I missed it too. Yes we supported her, but I also let her down in so many many ways. I was too quick to judge instead of rooting out the real reason for her behavior and symptoms. And in that respect, I know she didn't feel we supported her or believed her either. If it is a defense, while she was here I was drowning in Travis' issues and spending the majority of my time in specialists offices and fighting the school. But in my mind as a Mom, it's not a defense. There is none for pushing aside the needs of one child for another. If I could re-wind tiime I'd go back and change it. But I can't, so I'll have to live with my own decisions. I did my best. My best wasn't good enough. It happens.<img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite3" alt=":(" title="Frown :(" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":(" /></p><p> </p><p>Heather, in the light of a new day.........Yes. I'll mention it to the neuro and we'll discuss a possible connection. Could be Travis has a very minor type 1. Am also gonna push for Nichole to get an MRI when she sees the doctor as she's having arm/face/leg numbness that the cause hasn't been found for. And has seized in the past. (just in case) I'm also going to ask if she's had Alex checked. Wouldn't be a bad idea if she hasn't. I've told easy child so she can inform the fam doctor. First thing out of PCs mouth was OMG Mom this explains so much. *sigh*</p><p> </p><p>Makes me sick inside. I've decided I'd have much preferred her to be making it up in hopes of getting back together with the family. I'd have been mad, but mad you can get over. This...this is so very final.</p><p> </p><p>I've been thinking about the grands. And I'm <strong>only</strong>, can't stress that enough, <strong>only </strong>thinking if their postion over there becomes critical enough if it would be possible to get them here to keep them off the street. Doubtful stepgfg or her husband would go for it anyway. But just in case, I'm doing some thinking. I like to have plans in place. Just the way I am. At the moment though......just don't really see it being possible. And I have to wonder how her husband will be after she passes. Those kids loved him to be sure, and while I was visiting he doted on them. But I don't know him well, and so don't know how he'll deal with grief and raising 3 little ones alone. Maybe that's what has stepgfg so concerned as well. But as I said, only thinking as in that situation I wouldn't really be having a clue as to what I'd be taking on.</p><p> </p><p>The visit is a good idea if stepgfg will go for it. Couldn't make it happen maybe until december......... Maybe over a weekend, but it's a good 16 hour drive just to get there. Of course sister in law could get us free plane tickets, but i doubt for the whole family. So if everyone's going, it'll have to be via car.</p><p> </p><p>And husband still refuses to talk about stepgfg. If I bring it up, he snarls. Ok. So he's a grouchy old fart anyway, but this is beginning to grate. And yeah, he stinks in the parenting dept. but for the love of God, this is <strong>his</strong> child we're talking about! <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite4" alt=":mad:" title="Mad :mad:" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":mad:" /></p><p> </p><p>You know, God is gonna have some serious explaining to do when I see him.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Hound dog, post: 195269, member: 84"] Heather at this point neuro is saying an absolute no to surgery. The herniation is too extensive and pressure is too great to consider it. So it's not sounding like it will be a possiblity in the future. He's still dumbstruck she's still around. She already has quite a bit of brain damage caused by both the pressure and the herniation. The seizures aren't helping either. And her symptoms are becoming severe. And it's affecting her cognitive abilities quite a bit. Just an FYI.......I did a police records check on both stepgfg and her husband. Both came back clean as a whistle. Except the tax thing when stepgfg lost the house her grandpa left her. So they've kept their noses out of trouble. (or not got caught) I feel horrible. I saw the symptoms. She had them pretty severe while here. I knew something was going on.......Just couldn't for the life of me figure it out. Didn't help she wasn't contributing much info either. But still. I do remember once asking her to go to Travis' neuro and she declined. Her mother has instilled in her a fear of docs. It was much easier to jump on the bandwagon created by bioMom that she was doing drugs. sigh That hindsight will get ya every time. Doesn't excuse some of the awful behavior she had here, nor will I let it. But it makes the vast majority of it understandable. In the last few emails I see the old stepgfg, the one I knew before she came to live here. I see a genuine concern for her sibs that was lacking while she was here. A mature understanding of what is going on with them. So maybe time, rough times, and this diagnosis has done alot with her on the maturity scale. Eventually I'm going to feel her out for what type of support system she has there. I don't like the thought of her way over there going this alone with just her husband. I'm wondering what the deal is with bioMom and I may just come out and ask. Strange how life works. Ya know. Even if I wanted to do the Mom to the Rescue routine, I couldn't. Bringing her here would hurt her more than help her. She wouldn't be eligible for a darn thing for at least 6 months. And we in no way could afford to bring the family here and have them stay. We're in as bad as shape as she is. Blows. But it's a fact. So I have to attempt it from 3 states away, as best I can. Yes. Stepgfg made her choice 6 yrs ago when she ran out on her family here. And is now reaping the conscquences of that decision. She is too far for us to be her support system in any real sense. But I agree with Star, sometimes natural consequences reak and are way overboard. And yes. I take on some of the blame for that decision myself. Why? Because I missed it too. Yes we supported her, but I also let her down in so many many ways. I was too quick to judge instead of rooting out the real reason for her behavior and symptoms. And in that respect, I know she didn't feel we supported her or believed her either. If it is a defense, while she was here I was drowning in Travis' issues and spending the majority of my time in specialists offices and fighting the school. But in my mind as a Mom, it's not a defense. There is none for pushing aside the needs of one child for another. If I could re-wind tiime I'd go back and change it. But I can't, so I'll have to live with my own decisions. I did my best. My best wasn't good enough. It happens.:frowny: Heather, in the light of a new day.........Yes. I'll mention it to the neuro and we'll discuss a possible connection. Could be Travis has a very minor type 1. Am also gonna push for Nichole to get an MRI when she sees the doctor as she's having arm/face/leg numbness that the cause hasn't been found for. And has seized in the past. (just in case) I'm also going to ask if she's had Alex checked. Wouldn't be a bad idea if she hasn't. I've told easy child so she can inform the fam doctor. First thing out of PCs mouth was OMG Mom this explains so much. *sigh* Makes me sick inside. I've decided I'd have much preferred her to be making it up in hopes of getting back together with the family. I'd have been mad, but mad you can get over. This...this is so very final. I've been thinking about the grands. And I'm [B]only[/B], can't stress that enough, [B]only [/B]thinking if their postion over there becomes critical enough if it would be possible to get them here to keep them off the street. Doubtful stepgfg or her husband would go for it anyway. But just in case, I'm doing some thinking. I like to have plans in place. Just the way I am. At the moment though......just don't really see it being possible. And I have to wonder how her husband will be after she passes. Those kids loved him to be sure, and while I was visiting he doted on them. But I don't know him well, and so don't know how he'll deal with grief and raising 3 little ones alone. Maybe that's what has stepgfg so concerned as well. But as I said, only thinking as in that situation I wouldn't really be having a clue as to what I'd be taking on. The visit is a good idea if stepgfg will go for it. Couldn't make it happen maybe until december......... Maybe over a weekend, but it's a good 16 hour drive just to get there. Of course sister in law could get us free plane tickets, but i doubt for the whole family. So if everyone's going, it'll have to be via car. And husband still refuses to talk about stepgfg. If I bring it up, he snarls. Ok. So he's a grouchy old fart anyway, but this is beginning to grate. And yeah, he stinks in the parenting dept. but for the love of God, this is [B]his[/B] child we're talking about! :angry: You know, God is gonna have some serious explaining to do when I see him. [/QUOTE]
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