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step-MOM feeling stepped on!!
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<blockquote data-quote="AllStressedOut" data-source="post: 67313" data-attributes="member: 3837"><p>I'm sorry to hear your husband (dear/dumb husband depending on the day/mood) isn't as supportive as you need him to be. When my husband and I first married, he was a total marshmellow. He had only one rule (to this day I still think its rediculous that this was his only rule) and his rule was that you call adults by Mr. or Mrs./Ms. (insert last name here). Please don't misunderstand me, I think respect is the # 1 thing to expect out of all my kids. What I thought was rediculous is that he was okay with his kids hitting him, screaming at him, they had no table manners, they never said please or thank you to anyone, they were disrespectful in every other way. I never understood how this one rule was so important, but all the others weren't.</p><p></p><p>Something we started, because of course in the first year of marriage it was obvious I was the mean ogar and Daddy was the soft marshmellow, is that I didn't want to be the bad guy all the time, so I would tell the kids to "Ask Daddy." husband and I had made arrangements prior to this, that if I said this, that he was to say "No." everytime. Sometimes husband's don't know what to do, but this simple arrangement made it easy because he knew the expected answer, the kids were clueless and now I wasn't the bad guy. Now, we've been married for a little more than 4 years and the kids have figured this out, but along the way husband figured out what I would say no to and has begun to handle things himself. In fact, the kids now think I'm the nice parent and Daddy is the ogar. With all the daily stress I deal with, I'm okay that it has worked out that way and husband is too. Daddy needs to take some of this away from me and by being the stricter of the two of us now, it makes my daily life more pleasant. My kids (with the exception of my youngest difficult child) all like spending time with me now.</p><p></p><p>I can't tell you how important it is that your husband start showing you support. I don't think I'd be prepared to adopt my difficult children if my husband wasn't supportive of me.</p><p></p><p>I'm glad you found the board! This is a great place for support!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="AllStressedOut, post: 67313, member: 3837"] I'm sorry to hear your husband (dear/dumb husband depending on the day/mood) isn't as supportive as you need him to be. When my husband and I first married, he was a total marshmellow. He had only one rule (to this day I still think its rediculous that this was his only rule) and his rule was that you call adults by Mr. or Mrs./Ms. (insert last name here). Please don't misunderstand me, I think respect is the # 1 thing to expect out of all my kids. What I thought was rediculous is that he was okay with his kids hitting him, screaming at him, they had no table manners, they never said please or thank you to anyone, they were disrespectful in every other way. I never understood how this one rule was so important, but all the others weren't. Something we started, because of course in the first year of marriage it was obvious I was the mean ogar and Daddy was the soft marshmellow, is that I didn't want to be the bad guy all the time, so I would tell the kids to "Ask Daddy." husband and I had made arrangements prior to this, that if I said this, that he was to say "No." everytime. Sometimes husband's don't know what to do, but this simple arrangement made it easy because he knew the expected answer, the kids were clueless and now I wasn't the bad guy. Now, we've been married for a little more than 4 years and the kids have figured this out, but along the way husband figured out what I would say no to and has begun to handle things himself. In fact, the kids now think I'm the nice parent and Daddy is the ogar. With all the daily stress I deal with, I'm okay that it has worked out that way and husband is too. Daddy needs to take some of this away from me and by being the stricter of the two of us now, it makes my daily life more pleasant. My kids (with the exception of my youngest difficult child) all like spending time with me now. I can't tell you how important it is that your husband start showing you support. I don't think I'd be prepared to adopt my difficult children if my husband wasn't supportive of me. I'm glad you found the board! This is a great place for support! [/QUOTE]
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