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Substance Abuse
Stepdaughter draining us!
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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 630414" data-attributes="member: 15801"><p>I am not a step parent but my husband sounds a lot like yours. I was always the rule maker in the house and sometimes I would get really mad when the kids were little and we would make a rule and my husband would forget and let it slide!! The kids caught on fast and knew they could manipulate him easily. One of the biggest issues in our marriage when the kids were young.</p><p></p><p>So as far as my son goes, I have always been the leader in what we do and dont do..... but I will say that my husband eventually also got to the same place and has in recent years been willing to back me and to set his foot down.</p><p></p><p>So I think as a step mom you have a harder job because you cant really lead the way because she is not your daughter.</p><p></p><p>I also think this is a process.... first step is getting out of denial and then figuring out how to stop enabling. It doesnt happen overnight for any of us. I suspect it is a lot easier to see as a step parent because you are able to be more objective.... it is hard being objective about someone using drugs when they are your kid.</p><p></p><p>So definitely set boundaries to protect your 2 year old, yourself and your boys. Be very clear about them. </p><p></p><p>I also suggest you find a good alanon meeting for parents and get support for yourself and try to encourage your husband to go. He might not be ready yet but dont give up if he is not....it is a process. His daughter is in trouble and if you and the rest of the kids are doing well, it is hard to prioritize people doing well over someone who is in pain or in trouble.</p><p></p><p>How is his ex-wfie in all this? Is she in denial also or is she more aware?</p><p></p><p>TL</p><p></p><p></p><p>Sent using ConductDisorders mobile app</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 630414, member: 15801"] I am not a step parent but my husband sounds a lot like yours. I was always the rule maker in the house and sometimes I would get really mad when the kids were little and we would make a rule and my husband would forget and let it slide!! The kids caught on fast and knew they could manipulate him easily. One of the biggest issues in our marriage when the kids were young. So as far as my son goes, I have always been the leader in what we do and dont do..... but I will say that my husband eventually also got to the same place and has in recent years been willing to back me and to set his foot down. So I think as a step mom you have a harder job because you cant really lead the way because she is not your daughter. I also think this is a process.... first step is getting out of denial and then figuring out how to stop enabling. It doesnt happen overnight for any of us. I suspect it is a lot easier to see as a step parent because you are able to be more objective.... it is hard being objective about someone using drugs when they are your kid. So definitely set boundaries to protect your 2 year old, yourself and your boys. Be very clear about them. I also suggest you find a good alanon meeting for parents and get support for yourself and try to encourage your husband to go. He might not be ready yet but dont give up if he is not....it is a process. His daughter is in trouble and if you and the rest of the kids are doing well, it is hard to prioritize people doing well over someone who is in pain or in trouble. How is his ex-wfie in all this? Is she in denial also or is she more aware? TL Sent using ConductDisorders mobile app [/QUOTE]
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