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Stepping back - Am I getting the big picture..
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 302961" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>It really IS a tough situation. Just remember that his actions ARE his choices. No one if forcing him to go out or to be out past his curfew. Even if there is some pressure to stay for "one more" whatever, it is STILL his choice to stay or go.</p><p></p><p>If it were 5-10 minutes late, even chronically, I would not report it. But there is a BIG difference between 5-10 min late and 30 min to 2 HOURS late. </p><p></p><p>Alcohol is just as illegal for him as pot is. Unless you are not living in the US. Not only will HE get in trouble if he is caught with alcohol but the person who sells it to him will also get into trouble. For the sales person it can be fines of $1000 AND jail time here in Oklahoma.</p><p></p><p>Will the PO ask you if he has been following the terms of the probation? Or will he just expect you to report it? If asked I would not lie. If it were only up to about 15 mins and only occasionally I would let it slide. But NOT over that. Esp not without a dang good explanation. You know - there was an accident and a man was laying there bleeding and I had to do CPR - THAT kind of reason.</p><p></p><p>It truly is not a kindness to let him slip through the rules. It would be easier on you in the short run. But our difficult children so often feel that no rules should apply to them. When finally the "authorities" - whomever they are - figure out the degree of the things he is getting away with or the sheer number of times he has gotten off, well, they tend to be very harsh. It also leads our difficult children to break ever bigger and more serious rules in more flagrant ways.</p><p></p><p>This leads them to either do things they will pay for emotionally for years (like hurting someone) or spend long periods of time incarcerated simply because for a very long time they got away with breaking the rules. </p><p></p><p>This IS a decision you must make. If you decide to tell the PO, he still might not send your son to jail. Many people break the rules of probation or parole and are not sent to jail. But your son might end up paying the piper for his rule breaking. Hopefully that experience will be enough that he decides to not break the rules again.</p><p></p><p>I will support you no matter what you decide. This IS a tough place for a parent to be.</p><p></p><p>Hugs,</p><p></p><p>Susie</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 302961, member: 1233"] It really IS a tough situation. Just remember that his actions ARE his choices. No one if forcing him to go out or to be out past his curfew. Even if there is some pressure to stay for "one more" whatever, it is STILL his choice to stay or go. If it were 5-10 minutes late, even chronically, I would not report it. But there is a BIG difference between 5-10 min late and 30 min to 2 HOURS late. Alcohol is just as illegal for him as pot is. Unless you are not living in the US. Not only will HE get in trouble if he is caught with alcohol but the person who sells it to him will also get into trouble. For the sales person it can be fines of $1000 AND jail time here in Oklahoma. Will the PO ask you if he has been following the terms of the probation? Or will he just expect you to report it? If asked I would not lie. If it were only up to about 15 mins and only occasionally I would let it slide. But NOT over that. Esp not without a dang good explanation. You know - there was an accident and a man was laying there bleeding and I had to do CPR - THAT kind of reason. It truly is not a kindness to let him slip through the rules. It would be easier on you in the short run. But our difficult children so often feel that no rules should apply to them. When finally the "authorities" - whomever they are - figure out the degree of the things he is getting away with or the sheer number of times he has gotten off, well, they tend to be very harsh. It also leads our difficult children to break ever bigger and more serious rules in more flagrant ways. This leads them to either do things they will pay for emotionally for years (like hurting someone) or spend long periods of time incarcerated simply because for a very long time they got away with breaking the rules. This IS a decision you must make. If you decide to tell the PO, he still might not send your son to jail. Many people break the rules of probation or parole and are not sent to jail. But your son might end up paying the piper for his rule breaking. Hopefully that experience will be enough that he decides to not break the rules again. I will support you no matter what you decide. This IS a tough place for a parent to be. Hugs, Susie [/QUOTE]
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Stepping back - Am I getting the big picture..
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