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<blockquote data-quote="Beta" data-source="post: 754303" data-attributes="member: 22597"><p>Thank you all. I read and re-read through each response, and it brings me comfort to know that there are others who care enough and understand well enough to take a moment to respond. </p><p> Thank you Busy. I know with Kay you have been through the ringer, and I admire how you have come through it, unhardened in heart, but yet wiser now about her true nature. </p><p> Yes, a lot of what we do does come from a need to withstall the pain within us and make US feel better. As I grow stronger in my ability to detach (or disentangle), this will become less of an emotional need and I will be able to just accept things as they are and live with the pain (because I don't believe the pain ever goes away because our love for them never goes away). We just learn to live with it, in spite of it. </p><p></p><p> Wow, this sounds so similar to what I just experienced, except you went to WAY more trouble than I did, only to get abuse in the end. I'm so sorry that you experienced this. You are obviously a caring Mom. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Copa, you are right---it is hard to sustain that type of anger. I don't want to harden my heart--I just want to be strong enough to do what is right and best for him and for myself and not give in to the manipulations and FOG. I guess what I meant was I hope that being alone might just wake him up to the reality of his life and what he has done, in the hope that it might shock him and move him toward getting help and toward wanting to have a relationship with his family. But I know that is a long shot. And yes, I can't know his true feelings or the motivation behind what he says to us, and I agree with you--he has told me, in his own way, over and over, that he cannot have contact with me and not be abusive and malicious, and at this point, I am so emotionally bruised that I can't have contact with him, at least for awhile. I need to heal for awhile. </p><p></p><p>I'm wondering if I might just have that Townsend and Cloud book--the title sounds familiar so I will take a look through our boxes of packed books and see if I might have that already. I'll let you know if I find it. Another book I'm looking at right now is a book called "When Love Hurts," by Karla Downing. </p><p></p><p> Thank you MissLulu, I am going to do just that--take a break. I am too emotionally battered right now to have any contact, and I can sense that there has been trauma inflicted on myself in a way that is dangerous and has to stop. Self-preservation is where I am at the moment.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Beta, post: 754303, member: 22597"] Thank you all. I read and re-read through each response, and it brings me comfort to know that there are others who care enough and understand well enough to take a moment to respond. Thank you Busy. I know with Kay you have been through the ringer, and I admire how you have come through it, unhardened in heart, but yet wiser now about her true nature. Yes, a lot of what we do does come from a need to withstall the pain within us and make US feel better. As I grow stronger in my ability to detach (or disentangle), this will become less of an emotional need and I will be able to just accept things as they are and live with the pain (because I don't believe the pain ever goes away because our love for them never goes away). We just learn to live with it, in spite of it. Wow, this sounds so similar to what I just experienced, except you went to WAY more trouble than I did, only to get abuse in the end. I'm so sorry that you experienced this. You are obviously a caring Mom. Copa, you are right---it is hard to sustain that type of anger. I don't want to harden my heart--I just want to be strong enough to do what is right and best for him and for myself and not give in to the manipulations and FOG. I guess what I meant was I hope that being alone might just wake him up to the reality of his life and what he has done, in the hope that it might shock him and move him toward getting help and toward wanting to have a relationship with his family. But I know that is a long shot. And yes, I can't know his true feelings or the motivation behind what he says to us, and I agree with you--he has told me, in his own way, over and over, that he cannot have contact with me and not be abusive and malicious, and at this point, I am so emotionally bruised that I can't have contact with him, at least for awhile. I need to heal for awhile. I'm wondering if I might just have that Townsend and Cloud book--the title sounds familiar so I will take a look through our boxes of packed books and see if I might have that already. I'll let you know if I find it. Another book I'm looking at right now is a book called "When Love Hurts," by Karla Downing. Thank you MissLulu, I am going to do just that--take a break. I am too emotionally battered right now to have any contact, and I can sense that there has been trauma inflicted on myself in a way that is dangerous and has to stop. Self-preservation is where I am at the moment. [/QUOTE]
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