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Substance Abuse
Still treading water here...maybe back in the shallow end for a bit.
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<blockquote data-quote="Signorina" data-source="post: 557112"><p>Buddy - I am hoping *I* can be the one to drive him back to school after Christmas break (2/1?) and I can stay a couple of days and meet up with you and anyone else!! I would LOVE to meet you. I was thinking about driving there to bring him home for Christmas break and get in a little Christmas shopping - but his last exam is 12/21 and even I am not that much of a masochist. Too close to the holiday for me! So, he has a one way ticket to fly home on the 12/21 and (I) will drive him back after break!</p><p></p><p><em><span style="color: #000000">Nancy wrote: It was interesting that your said </span>easy child<span style="color: #000000"> said </span>difficult child<span style="color: #000000"> wants to get back to school, does that mean the </span>easy child<span style="color: #000000"> knows he is not going to school now? Do you think </span>difficult child<span style="color: #000000"> is telling </span>easy child<span style="color: #000000"> more than he is telling you</span></em></p><p> </p><p><span style="color: #000000">That's what bugs me. We ALL know that difficult child isn't back in school. He did fess up after the disastrous Christmas break last year that he had failed out and was suspended for a semester. When he moved back in those last few weeks of summer, he did tell H that his college had NOT readmitted him for the fall semester - and I believe it is because he still owes them money from the failed semester. H and I (separately) tried to convince him to stay at home and work full time (while paying his college town apartment - $400 p month - he signed a lease) because at least he would be earning a decent sum and not have to worry about food expenses if he stayed at home. We even told him to go back up to college town for the weekends if he wanted. But he balked and even started to bristle, so we backed off. I know he had planned a job at a major distribution center in his college town, but it didn't work out. He claims due to the distance (he has no car) but I wonder if it is really due to their stringent drug testing policy. </span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"></span></p><p>So honestly - I think he is only trying to kid himself. He is out of touch with reality which bothers me a bit. He hasn't admitted to himself (or anyone else) that he is no longer a student - it's like he is pretending to be someone he is not. He's posing and it really bothers me - because he is posing TO HIMSELF in additiona to everyone else. To save face. He doesn't want his friends & their families, old teachers etc to know he has dropped out. In the meantime - he is now 3 semesters OUT of school - and only actually has 2 semesters under his belt and he doesn't seem to realize that he is getting further away from being enrolled - if that makes sense. I am not quite sure how to put it. He is pretending to be something he is not - and the scary thing is that I think he is pretending to HIMSELF. And of course, I want to set him straight and get him into counseling and set him firmly on the path he seems to want. Honestly, it would be so easy for me to do that. I can clearly see what needs to happen. I have an arsenal of ducks to line up in rows to make it happen.</p><p></p><p>That's where the treading water comes in. He doesn't want any suggestion of what to do. He has a plan and he doesn't want our advice or input. It's a stupid plan. (yes, I said it. This is the only place I CAN say it) Even if the first steps of the plan work, it's a plan that sets him up for failure unless he can somehow pull extraordinary dedicated study/student skills out of a hat. And I really doubt that, especially when he is living with those losers. The fact is that his plan hasn't worked thus far. And it's so hard for me to zip my lip and sit on my hands and just nod and say "how nice." But that's what I am doing.</p><p></p><p>And in the mean time, I can't help but to think back to last year, last Christmas break when we were similarly treading water (though he was much more hostile and we didn't know that he had failed out) and then had the rug pulled out from under our feet. I don't want to be a SUCKER - Know what I mean?? There are some differences this time - mainly because he is not out every night and he is friendlier and seems much more clear - yet this is still the kid who duped us completely and hurt us so badly. And a part of me knows that if his girlfriend was still in the picture, he wouldn't be back in our lives. Which hurts. I think H and I are trying to let "home" wash over him, let it build up his strength and confidence a bit, let him TRUST us again - but at the same time - that doesn't acknowledge the trust that HE shattered with us.</p><p></p><p>So, still winging it and crossing my fingers. And trying not to enable. No car, no money. Just dinner on the table, a warm bed and a home.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Signorina, post: 557112"] Buddy - I am hoping *I* can be the one to drive him back to school after Christmas break (2/1?) and I can stay a couple of days and meet up with you and anyone else!! I would LOVE to meet you. I was thinking about driving there to bring him home for Christmas break and get in a little Christmas shopping - but his last exam is 12/21 and even I am not that much of a masochist. Too close to the holiday for me! So, he has a one way ticket to fly home on the 12/21 and (I) will drive him back after break! [I][COLOR=#000000]Nancy wrote: It was interesting that your said [/COLOR]easy child[COLOR=#000000] said [/COLOR]difficult child[COLOR=#000000] wants to get back to school, does that mean the [/COLOR]easy child[COLOR=#000000] knows he is not going to school now? Do you think [/COLOR]difficult child[COLOR=#000000] is telling [/COLOR]easy child[COLOR=#000000] more than he is telling you[/COLOR][/I] [COLOR=#000000]That's what bugs me. We ALL know that difficult child isn't back in school. He did fess up after the disastrous Christmas break last year that he had failed out and was suspended for a semester. When he moved back in those last few weeks of summer, he did tell H that his college had NOT readmitted him for the fall semester - and I believe it is because he still owes them money from the failed semester. H and I (separately) tried to convince him to stay at home and work full time (while paying his college town apartment - $400 p month - he signed a lease) because at least he would be earning a decent sum and not have to worry about food expenses if he stayed at home. We even told him to go back up to college town for the weekends if he wanted. But he balked and even started to bristle, so we backed off. I know he had planned a job at a major distribution center in his college town, but it didn't work out. He claims due to the distance (he has no car) but I wonder if it is really due to their stringent drug testing policy. [/COLOR] So honestly - I think he is only trying to kid himself. He is out of touch with reality which bothers me a bit. He hasn't admitted to himself (or anyone else) that he is no longer a student - it's like he is pretending to be someone he is not. He's posing and it really bothers me - because he is posing TO HIMSELF in additiona to everyone else. To save face. He doesn't want his friends & their families, old teachers etc to know he has dropped out. In the meantime - he is now 3 semesters OUT of school - and only actually has 2 semesters under his belt and he doesn't seem to realize that he is getting further away from being enrolled - if that makes sense. I am not quite sure how to put it. He is pretending to be something he is not - and the scary thing is that I think he is pretending to HIMSELF. And of course, I want to set him straight and get him into counseling and set him firmly on the path he seems to want. Honestly, it would be so easy for me to do that. I can clearly see what needs to happen. I have an arsenal of ducks to line up in rows to make it happen. That's where the treading water comes in. He doesn't want any suggestion of what to do. He has a plan and he doesn't want our advice or input. It's a stupid plan. (yes, I said it. This is the only place I CAN say it) Even if the first steps of the plan work, it's a plan that sets him up for failure unless he can somehow pull extraordinary dedicated study/student skills out of a hat. And I really doubt that, especially when he is living with those losers. The fact is that his plan hasn't worked thus far. And it's so hard for me to zip my lip and sit on my hands and just nod and say "how nice." But that's what I am doing. And in the mean time, I can't help but to think back to last year, last Christmas break when we were similarly treading water (though he was much more hostile and we didn't know that he had failed out) and then had the rug pulled out from under our feet. I don't want to be a SUCKER - Know what I mean?? There are some differences this time - mainly because he is not out every night and he is friendlier and seems much more clear - yet this is still the kid who duped us completely and hurt us so badly. And a part of me knows that if his girlfriend was still in the picture, he wouldn't be back in our lives. Which hurts. I think H and I are trying to let "home" wash over him, let it build up his strength and confidence a bit, let him TRUST us again - but at the same time - that doesn't acknowledge the trust that HE shattered with us. So, still winging it and crossing my fingers. And trying not to enable. No car, no money. Just dinner on the table, a warm bed and a home. [/QUOTE]
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Still treading water here...maybe back in the shallow end for a bit.
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