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<blockquote data-quote="Kathy813" data-source="post: 640768" data-attributes="member: 1967"><p>I will add to the chorus. My difficult child stole from us many times. We never pressed charges because the amounts were always small. However, she did great emotional damage. We actually reached the point of putting a deadbolt on our bedroom door and had to carry a key with us whenever we were in the house so we could get into our bedroom.</p><p></p><p>Looking back I am astounded that we let it get to that point. Why in the world did we let an adult steal from us and continue to live with us? My therapist asked me that in our last session and it took me back for a few seconds before I could think of an answer. My answer was that I felt that we were trapped and didn't have a choice.</p><p></p><p>Of course, we did have a choice but couldn't see it. I guess I was blinded by fear of what would happen if we put her out. I also still thought at that time that we could fix her somehow.</p><p></p><p>Years later (and thousands of dollars poorer for numerous treatment programs), I realize that only she can decide to get sober and we can't change that. What we can do is start taking care of ourselves. My husband and I have stopped helping our difficult child financially and she is finally starting to believe it. She has managed to get a job and find herself a halfway house to live in.</p><p></p><p>Your son is an adult and is going to do what he wants to do. There is nothing you can do to change his lifestyle. So concentrate on you and your husband and saving your marriage.</p><p></p><p>~Kathy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Kathy813, post: 640768, member: 1967"] I will add to the chorus. My difficult child stole from us many times. We never pressed charges because the amounts were always small. However, she did great emotional damage. We actually reached the point of putting a deadbolt on our bedroom door and had to carry a key with us whenever we were in the house so we could get into our bedroom. Looking back I am astounded that we let it get to that point. Why in the world did we let an adult steal from us and continue to live with us? My therapist asked me that in our last session and it took me back for a few seconds before I could think of an answer. My answer was that I felt that we were trapped and didn't have a choice. Of course, we did have a choice but couldn't see it. I guess I was blinded by fear of what would happen if we put her out. I also still thought at that time that we could fix her somehow. Years later (and thousands of dollars poorer for numerous treatment programs), I realize that only she can decide to get sober and we can't change that. What we can do is start taking care of ourselves. My husband and I have stopped helping our difficult child financially and she is finally starting to believe it. She has managed to get a job and find herself a halfway house to live in. Your son is an adult and is going to do what he wants to do. There is nothing you can do to change his lifestyle. So concentrate on you and your husband and saving your marriage. ~Kathy [/QUOTE]
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