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Stressed, trying to detach!
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 631481" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>JCW....Wow. What a story. No wonder you are completely spent and exhausted. Just reading your story was exhausting. </p><p></p><p>in my humble opinion, you need to be done. Done. Are you done? Can you be done? I know you are completely sick and tired, I read that in every syllable, but are you tired <u><strong>enough</strong></u>, JCW?</p><p></p><p>Tired enough to turn away from your son (who I understand you love and wish the best for), fix your eyes on another goal, however distant it is right now, today, and start walking and working toward THAT goal? </p><p></p><p>You have done it all for him and more, and none of it has worked. So, it's time for another approach, and that is the leave-him-alone approach.</p><p></p><p>And use any energy and time and money you have to focus on yourself. I am sure you are completely depleted in mind, body and spirit and it's time for you to restore and rebuild yourself with a new way of thinking, acting and living.</p><p></p><p>He will have to help himself or find others to come alongside him to help. in my opinion, it is not going to be you and me, anyway, who help our difficult child. That usually just doesn't happen---too much baggage. </p><p></p><p>So.......let go. Start going to Al-Anon and keep on going to Al-Anon. For a while, go to a meeting every single day. Buy the books, start reading other books, like CoDependent No More, write in a journal, take a nap, feel your feelings but don't act on them, cry, grieve, rage and through it all, keep letting go. </p><p></p><p>For a while, you could take a complete break from him. If you can't bear that, then set some clear boundaries, such as: I'll talk to you on the phone once a week on Thursdays at 5. Call me then and we'll talk for 10 minutes. </p><p></p><p>If he calls at any other time, let it go to voice mail. It will take time and work, but you can show him that you mean what you say. </p><p></p><p>Doing these types of things gives you space and time and distance and rest from the insanity.</p><p></p><p>You've done enough. Step back. Start focusing on you for a while. Warm hugs. I am truly sorry this is the situation.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 631481, member: 17542"] JCW....Wow. What a story. No wonder you are completely spent and exhausted. Just reading your story was exhausting. in my humble opinion, you need to be done. Done. Are you done? Can you be done? I know you are completely sick and tired, I read that in every syllable, but are you tired [U][B]enough[/B][/U], JCW? Tired enough to turn away from your son (who I understand you love and wish the best for), fix your eyes on another goal, however distant it is right now, today, and start walking and working toward THAT goal? You have done it all for him and more, and none of it has worked. So, it's time for another approach, and that is the leave-him-alone approach. And use any energy and time and money you have to focus on yourself. I am sure you are completely depleted in mind, body and spirit and it's time for you to restore and rebuild yourself with a new way of thinking, acting and living. He will have to help himself or find others to come alongside him to help. in my opinion, it is not going to be you and me, anyway, who help our difficult child. That usually just doesn't happen---too much baggage. So.......let go. Start going to Al-Anon and keep on going to Al-Anon. For a while, go to a meeting every single day. Buy the books, start reading other books, like CoDependent No More, write in a journal, take a nap, feel your feelings but don't act on them, cry, grieve, rage and through it all, keep letting go. For a while, you could take a complete break from him. If you can't bear that, then set some clear boundaries, such as: I'll talk to you on the phone once a week on Thursdays at 5. Call me then and we'll talk for 10 minutes. If he calls at any other time, let it go to voice mail. It will take time and work, but you can show him that you mean what you say. Doing these types of things gives you space and time and distance and rest from the insanity. You've done enough. Step back. Start focusing on you for a while. Warm hugs. I am truly sorry this is the situation. [/QUOTE]
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