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Parent Emeritus
Stressed, trying to detach!
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 631511" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Welcome JCW, I'm so sorry you are going through this with your son.</p><p></p><p>We are on a journey of continuing suffering with our adult kids. The only way to stop the suffering is to let go of enabling your son and begin the process of shifting your focus off of your son and onto yourself. You will likely, like the rest of us, need a lot of support to do that. Listen to the others and begin attending Al Anon, or CoDa, or Families Anonymous. NAMI is the National Alliance on Mental Illness, you can access them online and they have excellent courses for us parents which will give you not only support, but tools to learn how to respond differently to your son.</p><p></p><p>You may want to read the article on detachment at the bottom of my post here. For me, I put myself in every single supportive environment I could find and for a long time, so I could disengage from my daughter's choices and dramas. It takes a village JCW, for us to let go and detach and learn to accept what we can't change. </p><p></p><p>You can't change your son. Only he can. If he threatens suicide, call the police. Do not be emotionally blackmailed into continuing on this roller coaster. The only one who can change it is YOU. He won't. But once you do, he will be forced to change, if only to stop harassing YOU. </p><p></p><p>Hang in there JCW, it will improve if you put yourself as the priority and get as much support as you can muster.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 631511, member: 13542"] Welcome JCW, I'm so sorry you are going through this with your son. We are on a journey of continuing suffering with our adult kids. The only way to stop the suffering is to let go of enabling your son and begin the process of shifting your focus off of your son and onto yourself. You will likely, like the rest of us, need a lot of support to do that. Listen to the others and begin attending Al Anon, or CoDa, or Families Anonymous. NAMI is the National Alliance on Mental Illness, you can access them online and they have excellent courses for us parents which will give you not only support, but tools to learn how to respond differently to your son. You may want to read the article on detachment at the bottom of my post here. For me, I put myself in every single supportive environment I could find and for a long time, so I could disengage from my daughter's choices and dramas. It takes a village JCW, for us to let go and detach and learn to accept what we can't change. You can't change your son. Only he can. If he threatens suicide, call the police. Do not be emotionally blackmailed into continuing on this roller coaster. The only one who can change it is YOU. He won't. But once you do, he will be forced to change, if only to stop harassing YOU. Hang in there JCW, it will improve if you put yourself as the priority and get as much support as you can muster. [/QUOTE]
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