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Stressed X 10 and my mom is making it worse!
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 550778" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Ok, I'm an older mom (59) and I get very irate at parents who treat their kids who are raising difficult child's like they don't know what they are doing. If I treated my grown kids that way, I would expect them to run for the hills. YOu don't need to listen to that sort of verbal abuse. Maybe detach from Mom because she certainly doesn't have any good advice nor soothing words and you don't need her as an extra stressor. I'm sure you've tried explaining things to her, but she isn't listening. </p><p></p><p>Detach, detach, detach...it is hard enough to raise difficult child's without unhelpful parents tossing on unnecessary guilt. Unfortunately, sometimes our own family members are our worst critics and we need to put them at arm's length.</p><p></p><p>As for ex, you are no longer married to him. If he starts to blame you for everything, including earthquakes in Japan, say, "Oh! Someone's at the door. I have to go" and hang up the phone. There is no reason for you to take that kind of crapola from anybody, be it Mom or ex. If he calls back and starts again, why, you have a cake in the oven and you have to get off. Then get off without another word. This is one way I deal with toxic people who call me...learned about it in therapy. It has really cut down on how much garbage I have to listen to from people who want to lay a guilt trip on me. It's very calming to take back your power and decide what you will and will not listen to and then to put it into effect. Nobody can tell you what you're doing wrong, if you won't listen to it.</p><p></p><p>I recommend your getting your own therapist. That therapist will be your advocate and "go to" person to talk to, and he/she won't tell you off.</p><p></p><p>(((Hugs)))!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 550778, member: 1550"] Ok, I'm an older mom (59) and I get very irate at parents who treat their kids who are raising difficult child's like they don't know what they are doing. If I treated my grown kids that way, I would expect them to run for the hills. YOu don't need to listen to that sort of verbal abuse. Maybe detach from Mom because she certainly doesn't have any good advice nor soothing words and you don't need her as an extra stressor. I'm sure you've tried explaining things to her, but she isn't listening. Detach, detach, detach...it is hard enough to raise difficult child's without unhelpful parents tossing on unnecessary guilt. Unfortunately, sometimes our own family members are our worst critics and we need to put them at arm's length. As for ex, you are no longer married to him. If he starts to blame you for everything, including earthquakes in Japan, say, "Oh! Someone's at the door. I have to go" and hang up the phone. There is no reason for you to take that kind of crapola from anybody, be it Mom or ex. If he calls back and starts again, why, you have a cake in the oven and you have to get off. Then get off without another word. This is one way I deal with toxic people who call me...learned about it in therapy. It has really cut down on how much garbage I have to listen to from people who want to lay a guilt trip on me. It's very calming to take back your power and decide what you will and will not listen to and then to put it into effect. Nobody can tell you what you're doing wrong, if you won't listen to it. I recommend your getting your own therapist. That therapist will be your advocate and "go to" person to talk to, and he/she won't tell you off. (((Hugs)))! [/QUOTE]
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Stressed X 10 and my mom is making it worse!
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