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Parent Emeritus
Struggling to do the right thing
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<blockquote data-quote="JayPee" data-source="post: 750169" data-attributes="member: 23405"><p>Ckay...</p><p></p><p>Remain strong. If there's one "boundary"/"line of peace" I've set and stuck with and have not waivered from (even though I have been hated for) is not allowing my sons into my home. It is my place where I can have serenity and think and be at peace. No more verbal abuse or seeing them sleep all day, as you said, while I'm at work or telling me they're looking for jobs when all they're doing is playing video games or texting friends. No more friends over smoking pot in my garage. The list can go on and on and that's what keeps me strong. </p><p></p><p>The only thing that finally brought about the change for me was when I was getting a divorce and selling the house. Even then, they both didn't really have anywhere to go but were given ample time (6 months) to figure things out. I purposely went to stay with my sister for a couple of months after selling our home, while looking for an apartment. By doing this, they could not force themselves on me again and lock into the same old "do nothing" pattern. It was for me as much as for them while I got stronger.</p><p></p><p>And here we are not quite two years later and they've stayed here and there but mostly been homeless, refuse to work and have used my every last penny, almost. They continue to blame me for not taking care of them (30 and 26!) but I guess after all my pattern of enabling led them to believe that's what I'd be doing all my life. That's why they don't like the changes in me now. </p><p></p><p>I have so many other changes I still need to make but this was the biggest insofar as getting them out of my day to day life, sucking all my happiness from me. Now, if I meet up with them, it's on my terms and I can depart at any time, or hang up the phone or block texts etc. if I've had enough.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="JayPee, post: 750169, member: 23405"] Ckay... Remain strong. If there's one "boundary"/"line of peace" I've set and stuck with and have not waivered from (even though I have been hated for) is not allowing my sons into my home. It is my place where I can have serenity and think and be at peace. No more verbal abuse or seeing them sleep all day, as you said, while I'm at work or telling me they're looking for jobs when all they're doing is playing video games or texting friends. No more friends over smoking pot in my garage. The list can go on and on and that's what keeps me strong. The only thing that finally brought about the change for me was when I was getting a divorce and selling the house. Even then, they both didn't really have anywhere to go but were given ample time (6 months) to figure things out. I purposely went to stay with my sister for a couple of months after selling our home, while looking for an apartment. By doing this, they could not force themselves on me again and lock into the same old "do nothing" pattern. It was for me as much as for them while I got stronger. And here we are not quite two years later and they've stayed here and there but mostly been homeless, refuse to work and have used my every last penny, almost. They continue to blame me for not taking care of them (30 and 26!) but I guess after all my pattern of enabling led them to believe that's what I'd be doing all my life. That's why they don't like the changes in me now. I have so many other changes I still need to make but this was the biggest insofar as getting them out of my day to day life, sucking all my happiness from me. Now, if I meet up with them, it's on my terms and I can depart at any time, or hang up the phone or block texts etc. if I've had enough. [/QUOTE]
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Struggling to do the right thing
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