I can see now, I’ve not allowed him to have autonomy, be who HE is, that he has the freedom in life to choose his own path. I’ve been insistent on him conforming to my expectations, my values and societal norms.
I am struggling with parenting mistakes I may have made and even confused as to what they are due to all the conflicting opinions of others well meaning family members/ friends. My partner and youngest sons partner thinks I’ve been too soft, but also the same man who wanted me to ground him for a week for not washing the bath out or for drinking milk out the container where he’d become so intolerant of him. His grandmother (my mum) has been very indulgent of him and in his younger years would go to hers and triangulate. She was a firm believer in positive reward, carrot and stick she called it. I tried this, even giving him money as a reward for attending school, even incentives didn’t work, I still ended up in court over his truancy and poor attendance. My partner was furious and said I was rewarding what were normal expectations. Left me totally confused and I flip flopped between methods, none of which seemed to be effective. My son didn’t have a stable father figure, which I know has caused trauma to my son which I probably tried to compensate for and felt sorry for him and responsible for reproducing with someone who was a shitty father. I was a young mum, pregnant at 19 but worked full time to support my son and did my best to provide for him and devoted myself to him.
