Active addiction is a super selfish beast. The drive to get high supersedes everything and everybody. After years of my two coming and going, money, heirloom jewelry, time, stolen, I began to realize that they had dehumanized me as much as I had myself. I was nothing more than an opportunity to them. It was a rude awakening.
Look up trauma response. Hyper vigilance is one of the reactions, as you describe your circus experience, looking for fire exits, etc. Our minds go into overdrive, cortisol levels rise and create health issues. Aside from the heartache of our adult child gone off the rails, most of us have endured episodes of violence and one crisis after the other. We are constantly on high alert for the rug to be pulled from under us. Then, when we take steps to set boundaries, our own minds play tricks on us with thoughts of some catastrophe happening to our adult kids. It is a vicious unhealthy cycle if we don’t take steps to stop it. Copa could elaborate more as psychology is her field of expertise.
