What???? Is this a competition, a suffering competition??? NO!!!
Look. All of your questions are unknowable. Because we're only in the present moment. The story is not written. Guess who writes it? Your son. Maybe if some of us had found this forum sooner we wouldn't have suffered so much. It's unknowable. Why torture ourselves?
I think the answer is "not knowing." Staying in "I don't know." All of us set hypothetical rules, and intentions for ourselves and break them. Why? Because we don't know how we will feel in future moments.
Of course, you don't know what to do now or in the future. Because so much depends on the other person, your son, over whom you have not one bit of control. Nor do we have real control over ourselves, our feelings, our reactions, our moods, our conflicts, our motivations.
So, why not just let it go right now and rest? Why not hang out in "I don't know because it's unknowable right now." And then when it's time to respond to something, we go back to the drawing board when more variables have been established.
